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I'd just like to thank all the lovely people
who have written to me about my reviewcaps so far - you guys RAWK! :-)
Ok, well, here we go again folks.....
I must warn you however, I'm still under the influence of the dreaded
insomnia, so if any parts of this reviewcap make NO sense whatsoever, please
forgive me. The doc gave me some little purple pills today though, so,
hopefully by next week I WILL be able to sleep, and WON'T be going around
slashing my ex's tyres, a la Alice...... ;-)
PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD:
Helena berates Alice for her shrine-keeping
Lara berates Dana for her lack of medical appointment-keeping
Kit promotes Billie to position of Manager-In-Mascara
Bette & Tina hire an unqualified, singing, designer-stubbled nanny guy
Shane and Carmen mist up my screen with some hot smooching
Moira & Jenny have trouble with each other. A bigmouthed youth. And a Taser.
Annnd fade up on another weird and wonderful slice of lesbian life.....
As this is the show it is, we open up on a shot of a highway, with the
legend:
'Sublimity, Oregon - 1984'
What? You mean the The Chart Flashback this week isn't set in tropical
Liverpool, or exotic Alaska? Shame.
Oh and btw, where DO these places in the States get their names from?
What I wouldn't have given to have grown up somewhere with a cool name like
'Sublimity'.
As it is, I grew up in a village called Stubbington. Go figure.
Oh, hold on, I've obviously pressed the wrong button and I'm accidentally
watching my DVD of The Sound Of Music.
Oh, hold on, no. We're STILL on The L Word, and it's a bunch of nuns
travelling on a Greyhound (bus) across country.
The nun at the front has a guitar and is playing some funky-type Jesus folk
music.
She's more Bob Dylan than
Sister Wendy, but I'll go with it for the moment.
(I could make a joke or two about her groovy 'Sister Act', but that would be
crass and totally against my better judgement as an atheist-Darwinian...)
All the other Sisters are kicking back and relaxing on the journey. Some are
eating sandwiches, some are reading.
And one seems to be dozing with lipstick on.
Do they allow such things in the order? Such progressive convents you get
these days. Tsk!
Sister Lip-gloss is being gazed at longingly by the nun next to her, who
rather cheekily (did no one teach these women about NOT "Coveting"?!!!)
reaches over and uncovers the book she's been reading as she snoozes.
AGHAST! Sister Lip-gloss has been reading 'Lesbian Nuns - Breaking Silence'
and disguising it with the slip cover of another, far more righteous book.
Oh the humanity! Oh the sin!
Please say ten Hail Marys and three How's Yer Fathers.......
Sister Nosey does not reel back in horror and neither does she summon the
Mother Superior (are ANY of these nuns reading their How To Be A Good Nun
And Influence People handbooks for heavens sake! Tsk!), in fact, she does
quite the opposite upon finding Sister Lip-gloss reading about Sapphic
Sisters - she takes the book and starts reading it herself!
(I'm telling the Pope about this.....)
Obviously 'Lesbian Nuns - Breaking Silence' must be some modern-day dyke
Karma Sutra, because after reading it for only a few seconds, Sister Nosey
leans over and pushes up Sister Lip-gloss's habit!
And she AIN'T trying to find her purse, if you know what I mean!
As this is happening, we get yet again the 'Chart' writing on the screen,
the same as every week.
This time it has Toni (who, I think may be Sister Lip-gloss - look at her
crucifix - it looks like the one we saw dangling in the alley in last week's
flashback!) being linked with a line to Agatha.
Oooooh, interesting.
Well, it would be, if we knew who any of these women were. Or cared.
Let's hope the end result of this Chart Flashback series each week is
something with a good 'wow' factor, or at least ends up with someone
semi-interesting.
Anyhoo, back on the bus, Sister Toni and Sister Agatha are getting into a
little hand action, which rather baffles me, as they are SURROUNDED by nuns.
It may well be night and they may well be on a noisy bus, but c'mon - there
are nuns sitting in front of them, behind them, to the side of them over the
aisle - and we are expected to believe that all these women do NOT notice
that at least one nun is getting her rocks off in their midst!
The Greyhound goes into a noisy tunnel and it's all very metaphorical
(tunnels, buses etc) with Sister Bob Dylan citing prayers while the traffic
roars and so does the nun's orgasm.
note to self: become a nun and move to Sublimity TOMORROW.
Fade Up on:
The opening title sequence.
Do be do be doooo.
"who drag with moustaches....."
"long lashes....."
Don't worry folks, I have my eyes closed, so it's ooooook ;-)
Fade up on:
Shane and The Hotness That Is Carmen walking along chatting, with their arms
round each other.
They stop when they reach a skate park and are let in by a hip and groovy
guy with a hairdo that looks like Shane has had something to do with it if
you ask me.
He leads them into the park building, and everything therein is ultra-cool
and very "awesome".
The clothing on the rails is so cool I expect to see frost on it.
Everyone has asymmetric, kicky hair and tattoos and it's the kind of place
where ONLY teenagers who say stuff like "rad" would hang out.
The place has it's own clothing/board designers etc and Shane Hairdo Guy
wants our favourite hairdresser to set up her stall within all this stylish
ultracoolness.
"Shane for 'WAX' " is his pitch, and he's even had her face stencilled onto
the wall where her 'chair' would be. (Just the one chair, so people would
have to "queue up" to get the ultra-cool Shane Treatment)
The two women stare at the wall - Carmen looks excited and Shane just looks
awestruck.
Cut To:
Oh hello, it's those Tarot cards again.
Yep, Helena is visiting her 'business advisor' again.
(for business manager, read PSYCHIC)
Amazingly Accurate Psychic Lady says there's a reunion on the cards for
Helena.
Oooh, it's a former lover!
Let's see, who has Helena been with so far in the show......
Amazingly Accurate Psychic Lady informs Hippy Helena that she wont get back
together with this former lover, but a business relationship is (pardon the
pun) on the cards for them.
*yawn*
It's still Helena's dollartime, so she gets to pick three more cards and ask
about love or business or whatever.
She picks business and wants to know more about the venture she's just
started. i.e. the movie studio.
She thinks the film people she's dealing with are "bizarre".
Honey, I'm betting THEY aren't planning their business moves via crystal
balls and Tarot Cards. Bizarre IS as bizarre DOES sweet pie.
Anyhoo, she picks her three cards and ends up being told that if she follows
her instincts and has people around her she trusts she can't go wrong.
Oh, and it turns out that the person she should trust is ALSO the
"reunion"/"ex-lover" from the start of the session.
Ooooh, Amazingly Accurate Psychic Lady has spoken for another week!
That'll be $3,000. Have a nice day sucker!
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