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She then continues on, saying the next kind her doctor gave her was lithium
(she asked for something strong that would make her happy etc....), but that
just made her "hallucinate" that she was happy.
Cue us seeing Alice, in flashback, having a nice dinner at home, pouring
wine and laughing, as she leans over and pours her seated Dana
lifesize-carboard-cutout-standee-shrine-thingy a glass as well, adding "have
you changed your hair?"
LMAO!
Continuing with her voiceover, Alice informs us the "withdrawal from those
two drugs gave her A.D.D. (attention-deficit disorder. Which personally, I'm
rather dubious about it even existing!), so I got the A.D.D. drug!"
Cue a flashback of her picking up her prescription at a drug store counter,
and having a punk kid tell her "I snort mine.......
d'you snort your's?", cause they're both on A.D.D.! LMAO!
Seemingly the next drug her doc gave her, he "highly recommended" but "under
rare cases, may cause me to commit suicide..." - we see a view from INSIDE a
flip-top waste bin, as it opens up to reveal Flashback Alice with a handful
of pills. She chucks them in and her voiceover tells us that "then I wasn't
on anything, so I felt like having SEX again...."
Cue a shot of her turning on a vibrator and going for it!
ONLY for her to look over and see that dreaded Dana-standee cardboard thingy
again - suddenly her mood is broken "which..... REALLY made me wanna kill
myself...."
We get another shot of all the pills on the radio studio desk and then it's,
Cut to: Dana being examined by Bette & Tina's doctor.
The doctor is nice, and thorough and I'd really like to have her as MY
doctor!
Dana says she noticed the lump a while ago, but then it went away.
She also mentions she has a rash, but the doc reckons that's just from
wearing her sports bra and says she'll give her some cream for it etc.
The doc also suggests Dana gets a history of cancer in her family from her
mother, if she either knows or can find that out etc
She then inquires as to whether the lump has changed at all and whether Dana
has had any discharge etc from her breast.
She seems a little grossed out by that, but the answer is still negative.
Dana gets to sit up then and the doc continues to examine her:
Doc: "Usually these little cysts are benign - a lot of women just HAVE lumpy
breasts...."
Dana: "I do! I have fibrous breasts...........it's pretty gross"
Dana is so funny with anything that is slightly icky or whatever! lol! Quite
often she can be the most innocent and childlike member of the show -
remember how she was with Lara at first? All - "ohhh she hasn't called me!
what do I do!?" etc - plus she can be shy and grossed out at the littlest -
and biggest! - things. You have to love her, don'tcha ;-) So SWEET!
Doc Wilson keeps checking her over - her lymph nodes under her arms - which
ARE a little swollen. However, Doc Wilson isn't overly bothered by that
either as seemingly just about anything can cause that:
Doc: "A cold, even brushing your teeth too hard!"
*both of them chuckle*
Dana: "I AM a Super-Hard Teeth Brusher!"
LOL!
The Doc sends her for a mammogram, just to make sure nothing's wrong, and
it's then I realise who Doctor Martin reminds me of!
A young Nichelle Nichols as Lieutenant Uhura on the original Star Trek!
Mmmmmmmm......
*tries hard AND successfully stops myself from going off on one, with a
looooong Star Trek/lesbian comedy sketch!*
;-)
Anyhoo, the Doc hands Dana the slip for Radiography and our favourite tennis
player smiles her best brave smile in return.
Cut to: Alice, opening a door, then slamming it shut, whirling round and
walking away, saying "FUUUUUCK!" under her breath!
A second later the door opens suddenly and we see a woman with glasses and
long hair enter, rather dramatically!
She stands there saying nothing until Alice looks round the radio studio and
sees her in 'mock' surprise! lol! (Cause, she saw her coming ALREADY -
that's why she shut to door and swore etc!)
"OH!" exclaims Alice in a nicey-nicey, false way, "Hi Ruth! How are ya?!"
"27!" states Ruth
"27?" replies Alice quizzically, as she hugs some vinyl records to her for
protection. "27, whaddya mean?"
"THAT'S the number of times YOU mentioned DANA in this broadcast - which is
DOWN from 43 in the previous show!" replies Ruth.
I'm thinking our Ruth is the producer of the show or something. Whoever
she's supposed to be, she's damn funny, and the way she talks to Alice just
makes me giggle - like she's barely restraining herself, in a nice way, but
really wants to strangle her and/or sack her! lol!
Oh and btw, Ruth reminds me of a young Rita Rudner.......
Oh and btw, I fancy her. Is that wrong of me? I dunno. Maybe it's the
glasses. I always like women in glasses.....
Er, oh yeah...
"SEE! What did I tell you! I'm practically over her!" beams Alice.
Ruth leans in a bit and says, clearly, "I could fire you. Right now."
"You could?" asks Alice nervously.
"BUT I'm not going to.....I'm going to give you ONE more chance....
BUT I need to know IN ADVANCE what your topics are gonna be..." then her
face lights up in a beaming smile as she has the following idea!
"AND I'd like to see a SCRIPT! Yes, I would, I'd like to see a script - I
NEEEED to see a script in which the letters D.A., followed by N.A. are
NOWHERE in evidence! How about that?!" says a triumphant and very hilarious
Ruth - all theatrically and wide-eyed with enthusiasm at the prospect of a
Dana-free show! lol!
"OK" shrugs Alice meekly.
"OK" confirms Ruth firmly, and walks out, half-slamming the door.
"YOU LOOK GOOD!" shouts Alice after her, trying far far too late to suck up
to the boss.
Cut back to: Dana, about to have her mammogram.
For all you Danafanatics out there - YES, you do get to see a naked Dana
boob!
However, it's positioned in the vice-like machine so the radiographer can
take a x-ray of it, so it's a bit squished.
Btw, anyone who is wondering whether they SHOULD or shouldn't go for a
mammogram or to get checked out, I have one word of advice for you:
GO!
It could, literally, save your life!
It's a little uncomfortable - e.g. see Dana getting her boob squished in the
process, but it's over quite quick and if you catch these things early you
have a MUCH better chance at survival from cancer etc.
Even the radiographer says, "now it may be a little uncomfortable, but it'll
only last for a few seconds..."
"It's ok", says Dana, "I'm a hard-ass" lol! Bless her little cotton socks
;-)
FYI, my Mum has been through that process and so I can tell you that the
mammogram radiography machine is like, well; think of it this way - take
your thumb and forefinger and make a pincer shape, like you're gonna squish
a grape with them. It's like that, only on a large stand, and you put a
breast between the large 'pincer plates' to take the mammogram while you
stand there.
(Btw, if I ever had to have a mammogram, they'd have to use industrial-sized
plates! And that's allllll I'm sayin' *g*)
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