|
THEN Jenny arrives in a little black dress, with Moira in tow.
Moira is wearing the usual attire for a posh restaurant - a white t-shirt
with cartoon horses on and a sleeveless blue plaid shirt.
Ahem.
Everyone greets Jenny warmly, and totally blanks Moira, until Jenny
introduces her and Moira says a sweet, shy hi to everyone.
Bless her little plaid socks ;-)
Bette, steps forward and shakes Moira's hand in greeting, which is a nice
touch and just like Ms Porter to take charge of a situation.
Shane mentions Moira is a huge fan of Dana's and Moira beams as Dana thanks
her - so cute!
Had someone introduced me to Jana Novotna or Martina a few years ago, I'd be
acting JUST like Moira does - only probably more stuttering and far less
cool calm and collected. Mind you, I WOULD be wearing a shirt WITH sleeves,
so I guess that makes us about even. Hehe.
Cut to: Moira reading the menu later when everyone is seated and chatting.
Everything on offer is decidedly posh and high-brow, e.g.
ENTREE
PALATE CLEANSER - LIQUID NITROGEN
Parfait of green tea, lime, vodka, poached in liquid nitrogen cleanser to
clean the palate as you brush your teeth toothpaste leaves fats on your
tongue, this sensational twist to a cleanser revitalises your taste buds to
prepare you for your dining experience $12.
In short - posh stuff that costs very little to make, served up to people
with an enormous price tag to make it sound posh.
Moira, understandably, looks a bit out of her league with all the high
prices of the dishes (some are up to $48 EACH!) and wisely decides on a
salad with fries.
Tina and Jenny discuss screenplays.
The waiter asks what Bette would like, and Bette, being Bette Porter,
doesn't LOOK at the menu and CHOOSE what she fancies - instead she simply
asks for whatever "the chef recommends".
Question: what if what the chef recommends was, say, salmon, and Bette HATED
salmon? Would she STILL order it JUST cause it was what the CHEF
recommended!?! I have a sneaky suspicion that she would.....
Turns out it's lobster and Bette says yes please. Dana thinks that sounds
yummy and Lara adds that the chef there does amazing things with seafood, to
which Alice has to snipe, "well, ACCORDING to L.A. Magazine reviews....but
WHO reads THAT?!"
Awkward, awkward, awkward. And WHY is it again that it's ALICE who always
has to behave?....Hmmmmm....
Dana mentions a dish that Lara made last week and that leads Alice to snipe
again, asking what "Martina and Teresa" thought of a statue in Dana's house
when they were over last week.
Dana gets freaked out at that, and whispers to Lara about how the hell Alice
could even KNOW they came over!
Did I mention the awkward?......*sigh*
Carmen asks Jenny about how her book is going etc and someone asks if Moira
reads Jenny's stuff.
(Does ANYONE? Eesh...)
Moira answers by stating she's a computer technician. Oooookay.
Jenny, Bette and Shane talk about the editor of Jenny's book/how Jenny is
etc and then Alice opens her mouth and puts her foot in it YET again by
asking a stupid question about Jenny's self harm.
But, graciously, Jenny shrugs it off and says fuck it and it's better to
talk about it, and bring it out in the open etc.
It's worrying, I know, but I'm really liking Jenny this season.....
*waits for the arty farty Jenny-writing scene to come and spoil my idyll*
They all talk about stuff and eating disorders come up in the conversations,
to which Tina says she hopes that never happens to Angelica. Jenny says that
you can't control that sort of thing, but Shane pipes up saying that she
WONT let that happen to Angelica - "Aunty Shane" WONT let that happen! lol!
She's soooo adorable when she talks about kids! :-)
Tina thinks the conversation is getting to "dark" and asks everyone to talk
about something else.
There's a pause, and poor, gentle Moira, who hasn't been able to add a thing
to the conversation so far, sees her chance and goes for it!
She asks Tina about her kid and mentions that "a bunch of women back in my
dyke community are doing that too..."
Everyone sits and takes this choice morsel of info in and it's pretty clear
that our Moira is just a little too rough around the edges for most of our
ladies tastes. Shame.
Cut to: Kit, with Angelica, out by the pool, being watched over by Angus The
MANgus.
Kit's singing to the baby, who is SOOOO cute cause she's asleep on her chest
in REAL life!
BLESS!
Angus The MANgus says Kit should put out a record of her own stuff, but Kit
says she doesn't know anything about the internet etc that everyone uses
these days for that.
The MANgus tries to convince her and Kit does mention she has a lot of songs
she'd love to record etc
Kit and The MANgus agree to talk more about that topic later.
Cut to: a rather posh ladies bathroom.
We can tell it's posh, because it has it's own lawn (yes, LAWN) growing down
one side of it.
Ah the hoy-palloy of L.A.!
Ooooh it's gonna be a repeat of that scene from last week where the bratty
girl in the toilet lays some verbal GBH on Moira for being a "boy", cause
there's two gorgeous woman in the bathroom as well, doing their hair, or
crimping their nails or whatever......
However, these being L.A. women, and not some back town USA punk kids, they
don't shout and call Moira names, but merely giggle and whisper to each
other and stare at her in that oh-so-civilized way that catty bitches can
and do.
Moira, meanwhile, takes it stoically, and refrains from saying anything to
them.
Personally, if that had been me, I'd have laid them out cold with some kick
ass verbal barbs.
Or, failing that, I'd have blown a raspberry at them, called them cows and
ran off! ;-)
BACK at the table, everyone is having their dishes served to them.
These range from the ultra small - i.e. Moira's - which seems to consist of
a small vase of the grass from the toilet, and a few sprinklings of herbs
and spices - NOTHING MORE!
To HUGE - see Lara's 'Sea Urchin Table Decoration Mountain' for details.
Lara mentions that she and Dana booked a trip to France recently, and Bette
waxes lyrical about her lobster dish, causing Tina to roll her eyes
sarcastically yet again.
Alice offers everyone a bit of her lobster, including Moira.
Moira, who basically is sitting with the contents of your average family
lawnmower in front of her as HER dish, looks like the lobster which Alice is
offering her is covered with diamonds and pearls and could JUST be the
tastiest thing. EVER.
But she bravely declines the offer. Moira doesn't want charity from anyone.
Even if that DOES mean eating grass shavings for $14 and having to lump it!
Everyone offers her bits of their lobsters but she still declines.
And in the silence that follows, Moira offers up that fact that she, "Knows
something about lobsters...."
Everyone asks what it is (oooh they'll be sorry soon after! *g*) and so
Moira starts her monologue, which I've entitled The Lobsters Tail:
And if you think I'm retyping it here, word for word, you're as crazy a
Jenny, pre-series 2.
The main thrust of it IS: you start to boil lobsters in a pot - if they are
all males, they help each other OUT of the pot to escape.
If they are females, they end up all killing each other by panicking and
barging each other out of the way, trying to save themselves and therefore
ensuring all the other ones die in the process etc.
|
