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Cut to:
Tina, in her office, animatedly discussing a project with a rather handsome
guy.
WHY does it always always have to be with a 'rather handsome guy'???
WHY can't it be with a 'rather average-looking guy', or even a 'pig-ugly
guy'???? GAH!
Suddenly there's a lull in their conversation and it's pretty clear there's
a few sparks going on.
Handsome Guy says he's distracted cause it's not often you get an exec who
actually LISTENS to ideas and THINKS about the real world etc.
Tina flirts with him heavily, gives him one of her business cards, "this is
my cell number" and then deliberately blows off a call from Bette, telling
her secretary she'll "call her back later".
Handsome Guy picks up a photo on the desk of Tina with Angelica, says how
cute she is etc
He also asks if Tina adopted her.
When she says nope, and that she gave birth to her, he then asks what her
"husband" does.
Tina, makes a joke and then tells him, "I don't have a husband"
Then, rather shockingly she DOESN'T add anything at all!
NO 'I have a girlfriend'
NO 'I'm in a long-term relationship'
NO NOTHING about her relationship with Bette AT ALL!
OOOH you wanton hussy you!
It'll come back to bite you in the ass in the end Tina Kennard!
FORE SHAME!
Cut to:
Billie Blaikie, with YET another weird and wonderful hairdo.
THIS time he's all got up like Joel Grey as the Emcee in Cabaret and he's
announcing:
"VELKOM!!!!
TO BISEXUAL SPEED-DATING NIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"
Billie is HILARIOUS as the night's emcee.
He does an impression of Tom Cruise in Cocktail at one point! lol!
While he's explaining the rules of the speed dating to the assembled crowd
in The Planet, we see that Alice and Helena are there.
Alice has her label on, saying 'ALICE' and Helena is NOT happy about being
roped into a night like this, but Ms Pieszecki berates her, saying she only
needed her there in case she ends up going home empty-handed.
Billie works the crowd some more, then we get a bit more of the HelAlice
show:
H: "I'm not even bisexual!"
A: "RIGHT! BUT you have the choice of choosing ONLY girls! That's the beauty
of bisexual speed-dating....."
As she talks to Helena, Alice is scribbling something on a piece of
paper......
"...the odds are TWICE as good...."
*Alice slaps the 'Helena' name label - she's just been writing out - ON
Helena's chest*
"....the world is your bisexual oyster - SHUT UP ok!"
LMAO!
I sorta feel sorry for all the other stars of the show, because lately,
Alice (and to a lesser extent, Helena) has been hogging ALL the real comedy
gem scenes.
But who cares - the girl KNOWS funny! ;-)
"SPEEEEED DAAAAAAAAAAAATE!" yells Billie once again, and everybody's OFF!
It's half the room to a table each and the other half has a couple of
minutes at each table before a bell goes off and they have to move one table
along and start all over again with the next person!
I, myself, have never had the pleasure of experiencing speed-dating.
Let alone BISEXUAL speed-dating.
(or ANY dating for that matter. But that's another, rather lengthy, story,
for another time, when we all have a glass or two of vodka in us and I know
you all MUCH better....)
But it does look kinda fun ;-)
Cue some cheesy elevator-style music, and the shots of the speed dating
being sped up by 2 or 3 times the norm.
Everyone gets a tiny teeny amount of time and then it's BING! - onto the
next person.
It slows down long enough for us to see Alice questioning one of her
potential speed dates, and Helena telling one of hers what she's looking for
in a woman.
Helena is clearly describing Dylan in EVERYTHING she says btw.
She even has that far-off look in her eye - like she's thinking of Dylan at
the time!
Ahhh the smitten British kitten.....
Alice's potential woman says her girlfriend is there too (cue Alice turning
round, spotting her waving) and Alice, at first is all nudge-nudge
wink-wink, hehe, 'oooh a threesome!' etc
UNTIL the woman mentions she and her girlfriend are just there trying to
find a sperm donor so they can start a family.
Uh-oh. Been there, done that with Tina and Bette and look how THAT'S turned
out.
"I'm a little low on the sperm tonight.....little low on the sperm" quips
our Alice! lol!
You gotta love our Alice ;-)
Then it's BING! - and we're off again speed dating folks!
The film speeds up again and everyone's changing tables to the right.
Suddenly we have Billie dragging Kit over to a table, with her protesting
like a 5 year old:
"I am NOT bisexual speed-dating!!!!!"
LMAO!!!!! Classic! LOL!
"C'MON NOW, be a big girl and sit down!....." chides Billie, dumping her
into a chair.
"....and YOU, young fellow-me-lad have FIVE minutes, c'mon!" and it's THEN
we see ANGUS is on the other side of the table from Kit!
Hehehe! Nice one MANgus ;-)
Angus even has a name label on that says 'MANGUS'!!!! LOL! GREAT! lol!
He's sitting there with (from what I can tell) eyeliner on and his guitar in
his lap, telling Kit that "this thing" that she's going through - i.e. the
menopause - the change of life, is beautiful and it's sexy (wha?
runthatpastmeonemoretimeMANgus?! lol!) and then he runs out of words, so
picks up the guitar and starts to sing to Kit!
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