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To cut a long story short, they have a look at The Chart and are shocked to
find that someone has more 'links' than Shane has!
Turns out Shane has "hooked up" with 963 people.
However, this new woman (Papi) has slept with over 1,100 people AND the
total goes up by another one AS they are looking at it! LOL!
None of them has ever heard of this Papi.
Cut to:
Max at work.
His boss comes in and again, to cut a long story short, Max admits he and
Jenny broke up, then his boss mentions his daughter is free this weekend and
asks if it's ok to give her Max's number.
Ohhhhh boy, THAT could get complicated!
Cut to:
The office of Joyce Wischnia, where Tina enters to find Bette there holding
Angelica.
Understandably Tina goes over and takes her daughter from Bette straight
away, billing and cooing at her, clearly overjoyed to see her again.
Cut to:
Max, at a support group for those in transition.
He admits his testosterone was smuggled and says he was on a high dose.
The guys there are really understanding, helpful and nice and promise to
hook him up with a doctor that most of them see, so that he can get proper
doses at a safer, lower level.
Max seems happy with that.
Cut back to:
Bette and Tina doing tit-for-tat "it's her fault because..." / "she's
untrustworthy because" pleas to Joyce.
Bette is SO livid at Tina:
"You swore from the day Angelica was BORN that she was OUR child!
OUR child! UNEQUIVOCALLY, IRREVOCABLY OUR child!
Then the second, THE SECOND it becomes inconvenient, it becomes YOUR child!"
Joyce sits there, listening to the two women go at each other hammer and
tongs, but when Tina takes Angelica and tries to leave, too angry to stay,
she gets up and blocks her exit.
Tina asks her to move, but Joyce simply closes the door.
Then something really rather extraordinary happens.
Joyce Wischnia - lawyer and general bitch-on-a-stick - ACTUALLY does the
RIGHT thing.
She even mentions that she would make a lot of money out of there being a
court case, but still goes on to sneakily try and persuade both women NOT to
do this the ugly way.
She simply and matter-of-factly states that as Tina and Bette will obviously
be fighting it out in a court of law, AND the case will be landmark and
wonderful fodder for the media circus, it will basically drag them both, and
their daughter, through the courts and she makes sound VERY unpleasant
indeed!
She cleverly addresses Angelica, telling her (but looking at her parents
while she does so):
"You, my little sweet, will be known in the press as 'Baby A' - the
artificially conceived daughter of a bisexual, white movie exec, and a
biracial lesbian art world type........
oh. my. god.
the fundamentalists will picket
liberalists and feminists will argue among themselves
good Christian folk will write in offering to adopt her away from her SICK
and PERVERTED WARRING PARENTS."
That leaves both Bette and Tina speechless, seeing the real gravity of what
they are doing.
Mind you, they COULD both be speechless because Joyce did a selfless act in
steering them AWAY from going to court.
Bearing in mind Ms Wischnia and her massive ego are clearly GOOD at their
job!
Cut to:
Max, telling Jenny about the group she attended.
However, Jenny is only half listening as she's busy cleaning etc
We see why she's gone all houseproud in a second as the doorbell rings and
in comes Claude!
The two stand there (totally tactless) in front of Max and play tonsil
hockey.
Cut to:
Henry and Tina arriving at Bette's to pick up Angelica.
Bette stands in the background cuddling her daughter as Tina and Henry talk
to Angus.
It seems she will be staying with Momma T for a couple of days then Angus
will go pick her up and she'll spend a couple of days with Mommy B.
Tina questions Angus, as she thought he'd be able to look after Angelica
when she's at work.
Angus cries off though, saying he's too busy these days, what with his music
taking off etc.
Henry thinks that his babysitter wouldn't mind looking after Angelica too,
so that's sorted.
Bette and Tina manage to be civil to each other, so that's something at
least.
Cut to:
Alice's radio show where she is sitting on her desk telling her listeners
about Papi and the fact that her total hook-ups has gone up by more than 200
since THAT SAME MORNING!!!
(What, has Papi got a conveyor belt going or something?)
Understandably, Alice wants to talk to Papi, and asks her to get in touch
with her somehow.
"I just wanna know, Papi, how you DO, that thing that you DO"....
Cut back to Cheri's:
Where she's still referring to Shane as her "little freak".
There are loads of people there now, some kind or party or something, and
Shane stumbles through the gathering, clearly feeling the effects of too
many drugs.
Then Cheri comes over and offers her MORE coke! Jesus! Did this woman
holiday in Columbia or what recently!
Shane snorts some more then heads off into the throng unsteadily.
Cut to:
Jenny and Claude on the floor in the kitchen, seemingly re-enacting the
fridge scene out of 9 & A Half Weeks.
Only I don't remember Mickey Rourke discovering mouldy creme fresh in HIS
fridge.
Oh well.
They start getting all hot and heavy on the floor and then we cut away to:
Kit and Angus going into the Loving Care Women's Health Center.
He's so sweet - she looks so pensive and he puts his arm around to to
comfort her.
Y'know, if I weren't gay, I wouldn't mind him as my boyfriend.
He has a sense of humour, loves music, is sweet and caring - what's not to
like!
I'd say he comes 2nd on my 'I'd date him list'. 1st would be my girlfriend's
sister's boyfriend - but only cause he buys her great gifts like Indigo
Girls tickets and Stargate DVD box sets ;-)
Anyhoo, inside the health centre they talk to the receptionist, who,
strangely, gives them an odd look when they hold hands.
Kit seemingly has to fill out a form and then do a pregnancy test, which she
kind of objects to doing as she's done loads of them already and has so many
of the symptoms of pregnancy too - i.e. puking, eating like Kirsty Alley
etc.
The receptionist lady says that the test is just standard procedure etc so
they both go off and sit down to fill out the form.
Cut to:
Shane, frantically searching for her car keys in a fruit bowl at Cheri's.
Cheri comes along and reminds her she came in a CAB and not in her car.
In her high-as-a-kite coke haze, Shane reasons that she did come by cab and
instead, grabs Cheri's car keys and zooms off with them.
Oh this is SO not going to end well folks.
Cut to:
Shane bombing it along the highway in Cheri's car.
Cut back to:
Kit, in a hospital gown, sitting on a bed in the health centre.
A nurse comes in, all sweetness and light, with what looks like a HUGE gift
box, bow on top and all.
(Do they gift wrap babies these days? I'm SO behind the times...)
The nurse says "CONGRATULATIONS" and presents Kit with the gift box.
Wha? *is baffled*
Kit opens it and it contains a cute pink baby teddy bear all done up in a
nappy etc.
The nurse they takes out what looks like a picture of a scan and shows her,
saying that's Kit's beautiful baby.
She THEN unrolls what looks like a picture of a dead foetus and the
sweetness and light act quickly disappears as she carries on:
"And THIS is what your baby will look like IF you do the terrible thing
you're thinking of doing!"
Kit is confused at first and then gets angry.
The nurse pulls a cart over and blocks Kit's exit, saying a doctor will be
by in a minute to discuss some alternatives.
Kit tips the cart over, trying to get out and shouts for Angus.
She barges out of the door, still shouting for her boyfriend. She makes it
to the reception, where he's still waiting and he gets up all concerned and
confused as soon as he hears/sees her.
"WE JUST WANT TO PRAY WITH YOU!" pleads the creepy nurse.
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