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Well, of course, (me being ME) I managed to forget to tell you something
last week.
I neglected to impart to you a vital piece of advice I ascertained a few
weeks ago after managing to buy Season 2 of The L Word.
Here's the thing: I remembered Season 2 as being god-awful, over-long and
far too centered on the downward-spiral of a certain Ms Schecter.
After getting the DVD box set of it, and agreeing with my (lovely and
utterly cute) girlfriend to "just fast-forward through all the dreary
Jenny-bits!" we sat ourselves down and watched.
After only a couple of days we were finished and believe you me, Season 2 IS
NOT god-awful OR dreary!
If you simply remove almost every scene in which Jenny appears, it turns the
entire series into an incredibly enjoyable piece of television!
I was quite shocked at how much I DID enjoy it actually.
So, anyhoo, if any of you have that season gathering dust on your lesbian
shelves, fear not! Merely do a little DIY editing and you too can enjoy the
delights that Ms Chaiken CAN and DOES provide for us, in her own special
way.
So, now I'm done with the praising, let's commence with the bitchin' shall
we? ;-)
Fade up on:
A 'previously on The L Word' montage.
I'm not recapping it. Go re-watch last weeks' ep and PAY ATTENTION this
time! *weg*
Fade up on:
Pumping music, which sounds very music like Latino
Reggaeton
to my untrained ear. (Think Daddy Yankee etc)
(It's actually Jenny Peer - La Carretilla. Carretilla means 'wheelbarrow' I
believe. But I doubt the song is about that. More likely it's to do with a
sexual position, but then I did have myself some rather nice rumpy pumpy
last night, so that could be biasing my opinion there.....*weg*)
The camera pulls out and we see Alice in a club, looking around her.
Everyone's dancing, and I DO mean 'everyone'.
There are queens, drag kings, butches, clones - you name it, if it's queer
and Latina, it's in there!
Someone calls Alice's name as she walks by and she's faced with a woman who
claims to be Papi.
Then a Carmen Miranda queen grabs her hand and gushingly professes to be
Papi.
Er, ooookay.
THEN a dwarf (think Wee Man) pulls at her sleeve and claims to be Papi!
A drag king then sensibly intervenes, telling the unfortunate dwarf and
queen that Alice is looking for a WOMAN, and tells them to fuck off. Ah,
drag kings! Is there anything they CAN'T do! :-)
The queen then picks up the king (bodily, not romantically) and they
struggle off into the crowd, arguing all the way! lol!
Alice, meanwhile, looks totally confused.
The remaining queen (who looks like Carmen Miranda merely spit up NEAR him,
not ON him) tells Alice that Papi means 'daddy' and reasons she will find a
LOT of Papis' in the club tonight.
Alice mock-laughs, knowing it's been a waste of her time and...
Fade up on:
OPENING TITLES!
"this is the way that we, way that we liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive
and loooooooooooooooooooooooove!"
note to all those Marina fans present: Karina Lombard IS NOT in the opening
credits as a guest star!
(Don't worry, I'll be having a moan about that later on, so stay tuned....)
Fade up on:
Shane on the phone, trying to locate her father.
She ain't having much luck it seems.
Max kindly offers to do a search on computer for Gabe (can he NOT speak
without mentioning computers?) .
Jenny says she hopes the search works. Obviously she's not so keen on Shay
living with them.
Jenny stands there and does a little speech about how Shane's friends miss
her and that she's thinks Shane is using Gabe/offloading Shay as an excuse
to hide away.
Shay comes in just at the point where Jenny refers to Shane "trying to get
the kid off her hands", which of course makes him turn straight back round
and leave, all hurt and feeling unwanted etc.
NICE one Jenny.
Oh and btw, since when has Jenny taken on this new persona?!
She stood there, playing with her hair, talking like a middle-class
housewife who thinks she's actually upper-class!
I always DID suspect little Miss Schecter of having multiple
personalties......
Cut to:
The sonorous tones of the wonderful Cybil Shepard as Chancellor Phyllis
Kroll, talking to Bette as they walk across campus.
Btw, Bette makes wearing shades look like it should be made compulsory.
The two talk about college business and which artists Bette is going to
bring to the university to teach etc.
Phyllis describes Bette as "the most glamorous dean we've had in years..."
citing her work at the CAC.
Bette is truly great when she's in her element, isn't she folks :-)
Cut to:
Sunset Gower Film Studios, where HETina is being asked "how do you explain
the steaming pile of shit on my desk?" by her new boss.
"Most of it pre-dates me" answers HETina, calmly wriggling out of all blame.
The two banter - he wants the studio to be fresher, more with it etc
Turns out HETina has landed the rights to film a movie which no one in town
has been able to get.
This pleases boss man.
However.....
He asks what's the deal with Helena Peabody.
HETina then describes her as "a really great gal".
GAL? What, has she just hung up her spurs or something?! lol!
Mr Boss Man wants HETina to do something for him..... and it turns out that
something is....
Cut to:
"He sent YOU to fire ME!" asks Helena of HETina incredulously.
Helena gets all teary and insecure, asking why he wanted to fire her.
HETina explains it's probably because he wants to let people know he's the
boss now and that he doesn't work FOR Helena etc.
"Or it could've been that comment you made about his movie, 'Zombies On A
Train', and how it appealed to people with the intellect of a troll" adds
HETina.
Helena: *weighing up that idea with a sigh* "yeah...."
LMAO! I'm just lovin' her this season ;-)
Cut to:
Bette, grilling a bunch of candidates for her T.A. in a classroom:
"If you like to spend quality time with your girlfriend or boyfriend, visit
your mother on the weekends, go to the gym three or four times a week to
keep your body fit and healthy -- I respect that. I even envy it. But you
shouldn't be here, because if you're going to T.A. for me, you shouldn't
expect to have a life. You are only here because you are intensely driven
and you are as determined as I am to make CU THE destination art school
ahead of RISD and Yale, and the only reason you can even contemplate taking
on this added responsibility in addition to your already insane course load,
and the hours you spend in your graduate studio making art is that you are
young enough and foolish enough to think that you can get by on three hours
of sleep a night."
AAAAAH..... Bette in full-flow.....a thing of beauty and majesty to
behold....
Miss Pretty Blonde sitting in the middle of the class scribbles a note and
shows it to Hirsute Friend sitting next to her as Bette speaks.
The note says: "Dean Porter is HOT!!".
It even has a lil heart drawn at the top.
How old ARE these T.A. applicants anyway? TWELVE! lol!
Cut to:
Alice, at The Planet, who's had a message from Papi on her OurChart hub.
It seems she wants to meet Ms Pieszecki that night at 10pm.
"I'm sure you will Papi..." murmurs (no pun intended) Alice mockingly, which
an arriving HETina overhears:
"You call your computer 'Papi'?"
Alice: "No, it's this girl on our chart - Papi - y'know, she has MORE hits
than Shane *Tina shakes her head, lost* how do you NOT know this?! WHERE
have you BEEN?!"
HETina laughs, shrugs and sits down with her coffee.
Alice play-taunts her: "OH, RIIIIGHT! Stuck in the far reaches of
Heteroville...."
Kit and Helena come in then.
Alice hugs Kit. Seems like she's had the abortion now.
HETina confesses she had two abortions when she was younger.
Kit reminds her that she has a little angel now in Angelica and all three
women then take HETina to task, letting her know it's only right that Bette
and her share responsibility etc for Angelica.
HETina seems suitably scolded and contrite, then Shane enters with Shay in
tow to break the mood.
Obviously no one except Max and Jenny has seen Shane since she did her
disappearing act at the wedding, as they all greet her carefully.
Alice notices Shane's facial bruises etc (from the car accident last
week...) and quips, "looks like Carmen found ya!"
He he! Is it wrong of me to say I'd PAY to see Carmen and Shane in a fist
fight?
Oh well, so I'll never go to heaven, who cares! ;-)
Kit asks "well, who's this gentleman?" of Shay and he introduces himself.
Kit takes him off to give him something to eat as Shane and Alice finally
hug out a tentative greeting.
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