K-Lily on the phone: Did you see Alice's shirt?
Me on the phone: Um--yeah! I was just writing about it! Obviously.
K-Lily on the phone: My friend was like, "eh, at least it's
Me on the phone: Yeah, I guess if you're gonna wear an ugly shirt, at
least let us see your bra through it.
"Have you heard about Hugo
Papi senses a love connection between Alice and Tasha. I'm going to go
buy a car so that I can break it and then Tasha can fix it for me with her
Papi to Tasha: "We're going out and that's an order."
Haviland to Me: "Aw, Riese, that's like me and you!"
(That's right. I am never "in charge of the fun," as Evira Kurtz says. If I
was "in charge of the fun," the fun would happen at like, 10pm every night,
it would happen either at my apartment or at a place that serves drinks or
french fries, and I'd be late.)
That's My Mama B:
Bette: "Alice you have to break up with her."
Alice: "Yeah, well, I already broke up with her."
Bette: "Well, then, RE-break up with her. Some lesbians, you know
what? you have to break up with them more then once."
THAT IS QUOTE OF THE WEEK NOMINATION #1: BETTE, FOR "SOME LESBIANS, YOU
KNOW WHAT? YOU HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH THEM MORE THAN ONCE."
"Did they really get pinned?"
While everyone navigates the sticky terrain of their own Dyke Drama,
Bette gets a visit from Jodi, who tells Bette she's "wicked hot" and that if
she ever changes her mind, they can do it like they do on the Discovery
Channel. P.S. Tom is obviously there for the whole thing, which I think
would be AWKWARD. I guess they're used to it. Like how in Seasons Two and
Three, there was this poltergeist who echoed everything. Tom's a cutie.
Jenny, to Alice: Do you wanna come to The Planet and have coffee with
Alice: Ohhh, I wish I could but there's too much drama.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK NOMINATION #2: ALICE, OH I WISH I COULD, BUT
THERE'S TOO MUCH DRAMA.
Kit makes her brief cameo on "The L Word," speaking a few lines I don't
remember anymore. No Kittism, guys. Because "Angus is gonna love this song!"
or whatever is just so irrelevant I can hardly type it without barfing. Who
cares what he loves? If Tickle Me Wanny was here, she'd probably say: "I'll
love your song," or "I'll eat your meat" (that last one she would have had
to think of on her own, or else asked Brooke for advice)
Kit asks Bette how she's doin,' and Bette says she wants to kill herself.
Most of my phone convos with my friends start out like this too.
(Seriously). Kit asks if Bette wants to come to the Roll the Dice premiere,
but Bette can't. Why?:
Bette: "I can't go, because I'll be dead, because I will have killed
QUOTE OF THE WEEK NOMINATION #3: BETTE, FOR I CAN'T GO, BECAUSE I'LL
BE DEAD, BECAUSE I WILL HAVE KILLED MYSELF.
Actually, SPEAKING OF SUICIDE, my computer just froze and I lost my entire
blog entry after this point, which I had dutifully transcribed in "Text
Edit" and forgotten to save. This happened earlier this week too with my
Cupid is gnawing at my heart with a really special power drill, like the
kind Jodi will use later to stick inside Bette's poo-nany. Just kidding.
Though at this point, I can't really say for sure that I remember what
happened. Haviland said I can make stuff up that they said if I can't
Haviland: Riese, do you want me to buy you and Heather a Lexus
RX350 for Valentines Day? Heather will keep it parked at her place so she
can pay for the parking, but you can use it together to bring me Tasti-D and
take yourself on long vacations?
Me: Big ballin', baby!
Alright. Where were we? Ah yes....
"Well I heard they got pinned!"
Right-O. Shane is pissed because Alice has invited everyone. Bette is
struggling with a plush toy, and Phyllis is doing her best imitation of an
anamatronic figure in "The Hall of Presidents" at Disney-world. For a woman
who is allegedly executing a major bloodbath, I don't think Phyllis has
cracked a joint, let alone someone else's skull, in the last ten minutes.
Silly Begger, Alice Doesn't Have a Job!
A homeless man asks Alice, who just shelled out five bucks for a latte and
at least spent $2.99 on her shirt-mosaic, to spare some change, she goes "I
don't have any money! I don't have any money!" like he's totally stressing
her out. That was fantastic.