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Mangus is So Emo He Might as Well Just Join Newfound Glory
Bette calls Angus out. He doesn't think she should talk. Actually, she
should, Angus, because she just happens to be the expert on what happens
when you break someone's heart and ruin their trust in you. DUH. Jesus. As
the Grateful Dead might say: "It's a buck dancers choice my friend, better
take my advice, you know all the rules by now, and the fire from the ice."
Heather suggested that this convo with Angus would be a good place to insert
the photo where we are all pretending that we are watching an Angus scene:
(Notice that Haviland is sleeping on Jen's shoulder, and I am bored and
possibly poking Heather's breast)
The Rules of Poker, by Papi.
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Heather: "Why does she keep taking her visor on and off?"
Me: "Because she's a gangsta."
Jen: "Because she's Papi."
Haviland: "Oh my God, my Dad had a visor like that! You have to put
Brooks on the blog! He'll be so excited!"
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That's Brooks in his visor with little Haviland. Is it weird that I have
this photo on my computer to begin with? Maybe.
The little fun Euro-music in the background lets us know that things are
rollin' along. In fact, we're about to roll our way in to a ridiculous
extended metaphor, and I'm about to forgive the show for using it, because
beggars can't be choosers.
Papi's Rules of Poker Cont:
Rule 1: "Poker is all about deception. It's about pretending your hand is
better than it is."
"It's about psyching out the other player to your advantage."
"You gotta know when to bluff and how far to push it."
Push it...push it good. Yeah push it...push it real good.
Want an example? Okay then. Here's one:
Lindsay is cute when she cries. Not as cute as Shane is when she cries, but
still.
Lindsay tells Jenny that Stacey has cancelled the romantic weekend. Jenny
goes: "Oh, that vagina wig!" OK, if I was dating someone who's last name
meant 'vagina wig,' I'd probably know that already and might pick it up in
conversation. But then again, I'm a real girl, and this is just a TV Show.
If there's any chance Jenny is free, Lindsay would like Jenny to join her
for the weekend. Of course Jenny is free, because she's a full-time
psychopath. I mean--we've seen the track record this girl has with "jobs."
Even I can wait tables better than Jenny, and anyone who ate at the Olive
Garden-Times Square-NYC in 2000 or the Macaroni Grill-Ann Arbor-MI between
2001-2004 knows what I'm talking about.
Second Rule: Leave emotion at the door.
You've gotta play the hand you're dealt.
This girl must be the star of the sexual fantasies of every man in
this office.
She's talking to Max about being passed over for a promotion. Max says
"that's totally unfair." You tell 'em, girl! I mean, boy! Max is like, an
injustice expert. He learned that in his woman's group in Wilmette, when he
was chopping logs for the fire and got attacked by a beaver.
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Haviland: Who's that?
Me: Some girl.
Heather: Probably some new actress who'll be on the show for two
episodes, exactly what this show needs.
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Okay, Papi. These rules no longer have anything to do with poker:
"Poker Rule Two Continued": Don't get involved in other people's
bullshit. That just gets in the way.
Bette Plays the Hand She's Been Dealt
Rather than hang herself on the cord of her wireless headset, Bette is being
pro-active and learning sign language. I wonder if deaf girls are better
lovers because they are so used to contorting their fingers?
I feel like I'm saying about 10,000 politically incorrect things this
episode.
Third Rule: Poker is not for like, the wussy player, alright? Sometimes you
gotta go like, all in. Place your bet...
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