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I Read "The Screenwriters Workbook," p.s., and I Would Not
Recommend It, Totes Boring, Go Back
to
The Truth About Diamonds
Jenny is at The Planet, picking up her
triple-soy-latte-gingerbread-philter beverage. Tina tries to sideline her,
but Jenny is on a hurry to pick up her dog, which is going to be "so little
and cute." Unlike Sounder Sr., who was "so large and slobbery." Tina tells
her that the meeting has been cancelled, but I think she's lying! She's a
good liar, she should play poker.
Waiting for Wishnia
I spy heavy breathing. I spy a Paige-body, and a Shane
body, and I spy the words "Jane
Lynch."
If the show had ended at this moment, my life would have been complete, and
I could have died a happy woman, full of expectation and hope for the
future.
Di, Di, Yay-nu. Di, di, yay-nu. Di-di-yay-nu. Dayenu Daynu.
Oh what a beautiful MORNING,
oh what a beautiful day! I've got this wonderful FEELING! Everything's going
my way!
Erin Daniels,
y'all!
If only Strunk & White were here, we could go to
Boston Market and chat it up!
Lesbian Sexy Moment
#23: Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Gay
The Players: Shane and Paige
The Pick-Up: No clue. I'm guessing something monosyllabic and
straightforward. E.G: "Lets fuck." "Okay."
Hot or Not?: First off; Jared, man, I've totally been there. 'Cept my
Mom doesn't look like Paige. I mean, Mom's lovely and all, but she's older
and um, etc. than Paige. I was about to add that my Mom's Come-Out-Period-GF
was not as hot as Shane, which is true, but I remember this ex-GF as being
super-hot. Now I just had a really creepy feeling where I realized that my
Mom's ex-GF and my present GF have sort-of-similar facial structures and
hair. And drinking habits.
Right, so they are makin' out and Jared spoils the fun. Paige says that
Jared is purposely going out of his way to make sure they don't have a
moment alone together. Yeah; unlike J-Dawg, I totes gave my Mom all the time
alone she needed. I was 15, thus I had shit to do, like listen to The
Lemonheads and cut my hair off and make lanyards for my Lip Smackers.
Fasten Your Seatbelts. It's Gonna be a Bumpy Afternoon.
Paige tells Shane "I love being with you in cars and at your work, but I'd
really like to fuck you in a bed, and I'd like to go to sleep with you, and
I'd like to wake up with you." YIKES! Shane's dyke-drama-alarms start
a'ringing in her head, then she swallows them and is totally Carpe Diem
about it. She's like "we'll talk to him." To herself, she's like: "Then
Carmen will forgive me for how I done her wrong this time last year."
Lesbian Squabble #37: She Must
Love the Smell of Napalm in the Morning
In the Ring:
Tasha/People Who Love Freedom V. Alice/Bleeding-Heart Liberals/People Who
Love Humanity
Content/Result: Alice is giving Tasha
the silent treatment, so Tasha thinks quick: she demounts and chases Alice
while shouting her name ("Alice! Alice!") I'm guessing this is one of many
brilliant battle strategies Tasha learned in the US Army. However, unlike
insurgents, Alice surrenders quickly and submits to a convo. Tasha's like,
Listen to me, Alice. I'm not leaving this
show. Do you see what color my skin is? That's right. I'm black. You need me
here to balance out your whitey mcwhiteness, plus I'm the only
well-constructed new character still afloat right now, and I'm fuckin'
beautiful. Alice says her left-wing-radical West Hollywood doc will
get Tash out of duty by slapping her with crabs or "scurvy." Unfortunately
she doesn't mention
SARS
or Cholera, that'd been way funnier. Tasha's explains
she's not trying to get out of it, she made a commitment, and Alice is like,
Fuck this shit. For reals, this girl
doesn't need another dead ex. Who Wins? Putting aside the automatic-lose of
Alice's whole ensemble here and the automatic-hot of Tasha's motorcycle,
arms, face, etc., Alice is right and Tasha is wrong. Dude, ACTUALLY HAVING
SCURVY is better than fighting in Iraq.
Come to Me, Cover Me,
Together We'll Break These Chains of Love
"Tash, I've got these handcuffs around my neck for a reason, and it's not to
promote Jodi's latest "installation"--I'm strapping you to the bed and
forcing you to watch
The Ghosts of Abu Ghraib till you scream for SARS.
I'll totes hire you at OurChart, don't sweat about not understanding
computers, none of my employees do, that's why we got so many bugs."
Side Note: Papi is Eva Torres. Who knows who that is? Only the first lover
of Carmen De La Pica Morales, as Marc discovered during the making of his
film Lez Girls. I mean:
Lesbians Gone Wild. I mean:
Whatever.
Hello, U-Haul!
Are we really supposed to believe that all of Catherine's panties fit in
that Barneys bag? And that other bag? Dude, I'd rather separate Skeletor's
underpants than work the register at Wax, like Helena did in Ep-2. I'd
rather do that than a lot of things. Papi's like, Helena, why are you
getting totally whooped by this woman? Can't she hire movers to move you
into this palace?
Helena: "But I'm here, and I'm able-bodied--"
Haviland: "Yeah you are."
Helena: "And it's not as if I work for a living."
Me: "Yeah you don't."
You know, as jobs go: I'll fuckin' take this one.
C'mon. Playing poker, sorting hot underwear, having sex, living on the
beach, picking up dry cleaning: um, I'LL FUCKING TAKE IT. Also, I heart
Papi's morning after look. So
fresh and so clean clean.
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