My Super Ex-Girlfriend : Tina's having lunch with a woman who looks
slightly more exciting than drywall. Tina can't stop talking about Bette and
her baby. She's obvs not read a lot of women's magazines, than she'd know
that it's a
Glamour DON'T to talk about your ex on the first date. Tina tells lots
of fun stories, like about how Bette wants 'Angie' to be an artist and
Bette's the dean of the CAC and they had to get man-juice from a Whitney
Biennial Artist ... this'd be a super-boring convo even if it wasn't a date.
Like, Tina, why don't you talk about your life & your dreams and how you
feel about the politics, literature, world peace, etc? Maybe Ilene hasn't
figured those personality traits out yet. Oh yeah! Lez Girls! That's Tina's
big dream in life: to go to meetings about this movie she hates.
*
I Married in the Sun [tell me where tell me where] : Back at Barbie's
Dream House, Skipper and the gals are getting their hair did for the big
wedding in the garden. You may recognise the bride Madison from Season
Three, when she played "young Bette" in a flashback scene. It's like Law &
Order , but without a plot. Anyhow, Madison sho' is purty.
The maidens ask Shane if she's got a boyfriend and then ask if she's got a
girlfriend. "Not anymore," Shane says. [Then so silently you can't even hear
it, she adds: "Once Paige saw me in this shirt, it was O-V-E-R."] For those
of you that live in caves or only talk to lesbians on OurChart (which is for
everyone, btw, even trannies), that means "Now I can do whatever I want,
bitches! Wanna fuck?!!!" Abigail gushes that they wish Shane could do their
hair every day. Me too, but only cause I like the part after the haircut
when she takes off your clothes and fucks you. Just sayin'. We LOL when they
ask if she's ever gonna get married, and then, in response to "gay people
can't get married," Gina says: "Yeah, but they can pretend!" Then Gina
squeals "Do me now!" Call me crazy, but when I hear "gina" I think "gene"
and when I think "gene" and watch this scene I think GAY GENE. Hello. Nice
fam! I bet Inconceivable's got some proclivities of his own.
Would You Give Up All Your Love to Take a Run at the Past With Me:
Bette, looking fan-fucking-tastic, busts up the Talk-About-Bette Luncheon
... Denise refers to Bette as the "famous Bette," and Tina's so bubbling and
oblivious and awkward that you kinda can't help but want to hug her. Naked.
Bette, because underneath all her hotness she's a little sadistic towards
Tina w/r/t forcing the Love for Jodi thing upon her, tells Tina they're
having lunch if she wants to join them. WHO'S WATCHING THE BABY?!! You know,
ANG?
------------------------------------------------------------
Carly : Bette's shirt is so fucking cute! I want that shirt.
Alex: I want HER.
------------------------------------------------------------
Tina invites Denise to join the lunchtime fun, but she's had enough. If she
wants to listen to someone talk about Bette all day, she can go to the
AfterEllen message boards. Tina says "maybe we can do this another time,"
and the girl's like "I think you have some things to figure out." Eh, I
think she's got it pretty much figured out. But what is she gonna do about
it? That's the question.
*
Hello Mother, Hello Father, Here I am at Camp Granada : In addition
to high-stakes poker, gambling and catering, Helena's also taken up journal
writing. Or perhaps she's sketching, she's an artist, like Angelica "Ang"
Portard. Helena's watching Bunny do push-ups. I'd feel kinda weird if I was
doing push-ups and my cellmate was staring at me and writing away in her
little journal. Redrum. I think Helena's getting Cabin Fever, which means
when the Fever breaks, all bets are off!
*
T is for Toilet, Obvs : Max is waiting for the bathroom, so's Tom,
Tom thinks Max is hot, who cares, blabla, they're falling victim to the
number one crime perpetrated by girls who like girls, which's making out in
the bathroom when other people really do have to pee. But here's the thing:
if you hold it, you'll still be able to urinate in five minutes. If they
hold in their orgasm and/or sexual excitement, they might never get it back.
Just ask Jenny and [deep voice] Marina. Or anyone.
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