An Army of One Kind of Person : He says it's very hard to defend
yourself in a homosexual conduct case 'cause the allegations almost always
turn out to be true. Good point. Then he starts talking to her like
homosexuality is contagious and he doesn't know her anymore. She should be
like, "See now, it's dudes like you that make me wanna be gay in the first
place,asshat." He tells her to mind her P's and Q's. I dunno what that even
means, but I feel like this guy is a douchebag. This is like in
South of Nowhere when Glen goes to register for the army except the
opposite of that.
Sidenote: this happened to a friend I went to high school with. She was in
ROTC and stuff at Colorado and then when people found out she was gay she
got kicked out and had to work to pay back two years of scholarship.
Seriously. Suck city. Seriously I cannot believe the U.S. is doing this.
They should be grateful for every single human body that volunteers to take
part in this ridiculous,
ridiculous war . Or they can just continue to
ship off
our most disenfranchised citizens, to fight for freedoms they've barely got
themselves. Oh right! The TEEVEE SHOW! Hi-yah!
Don't See, Don't Hear, Don't Tell!
*
You Know, Like Joan of Arc and Zach Ephron: Back at The Planet,
everyone's playing "I Spy" and Tom spies a cute boy doing an internet
search. (Also sidenote: what's Max's job exactly? Besides filming the
undoubtedly mega-popular and super-profitable dubiously named "podcast"?)
The girls laugh, 'cause they're all thinking about how Tom doesn't like the
vag and how they'd like to eat some later. Tom's like "wtf? Do I have to go
back to Manhunt?" No really -- he's like "what, is something wrong with
him?" to which we answer, "Yeah, he can't act," but on the teevee show
they're like "Um," and then she was like "OH MY GOD Becky. Her butt is
SOOOOO big. She looks like one of those rap guy's girlfriends," and then,
"He used to be a lesbian." Bette goes "he's a trans-man," real quickly. It's
funny, and cute, and actually does resemble the way that we live.
No one answers the unspoken question that's probs weighing heavily on Tom's
mind -- Penis. Circle One: YES or NO. Anyhow, um, hey, nice scene. Not good,
not bad. I'm defo on glue, right? I mean, I guess not a lot is happening in
this episode, character-development wise, or plot-wise, but it's fine
anyhow, I feel like we need some time to settle in. To this imaginary world.
Of fake people. On a screen. Hm. I'm in a mood.
*
I Bet She Got it in an amazon.com "Better Together" With
Dirty Blonde : Max is typing away on an enormous laptop, probs
performing international intraface internet interweb searches. You know how
Max is. Typetypetype. Max asks Kit -- who, P.S., fucking ROCKS this episode,
yes she rocks us inside out -- "You see that girl over there?" and Kit's all
like, Oh gurrrrllll you bet I do. I got myself two eye sockets and you bet I
got some working eyeballs alll up in them. Kit says that girl's been sitting
there for three days in the same ol' clothes. I wonder where she sleeps.
Suddenly Max and Kit are Besties, which's random but interesting and
therefore good.
Although Tom's still in the dark re: Max's genitals, there's another Big
Question on Everyone's Mind that WILL be answered this afternoon: "Who the
fuck bought Some of Our Goddamn Parts ?" I'll tell you who: this
girl.
SOME MANIFESTO : Oh also, note to Jenny's publishers: that book cover
is retarded. It looks like a
Valerie Solanas production. But also, like, obvs, I mean, she looks like
the kind of girl that'd enjoy a little confessional memoir action. Maybe one
day she, too, like others before her, will enter the Vortex. I mean, most
new characters have kinda faded away, except Helena. You know?
Kit tries to talk her into a Pear Polenta Tart -- on the house -- Kit!!!
Didn't you learn ANYTHING at T.O.E.? She had a special meeting with TOE
where he told her specifically to mark up the Pear Polenta Tart. I wonder if
those even exist in real life.
Yes, indeed they do . Thank you, Max, for inventing the internet.
I know what you're thinking -- she's not cute. Well, listen, I wasn't born
yesterday. In fact, I was born in 1981, which meant in 1999, when She's
All That came to motion picture theaters everywhere, I was able to see
it, which is how I know about THIS special effect:
Take off the glasses! That's all you gotta do. Howevs, my friends are stupid
and don't see this.
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Riese : If she put on her hood she'd be a
critter.
Cait: No she wouldn't.
Carly: Cait has spoken. The authority has spoken.
Cait: Look at her glasses!
Riese: If she took them off!
Cait: A hoodie does not a critter make.
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