My Favorite Part of My Dream Car the
Lexus RX350 is that it has No Blind Spot: Jodi keeps trying to run
Bette off the road, this scene is weird, I feel like it's Seinfeld meets
Hitchcock. Actually, it's just that Jodi keeps talking and Bette thinks that
she's gonna crash 'cause Jodi talks with her hands like the Italians. When I
was 15 and learning to drive, my Mom used to act like this -- pressing her
foot to an imaginary break, on edge. Jodi's talking about her cool friends.
Why isn't Bette driving so Jodi can talk? I doubt she's been drinking.
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Haviland: "This is to prove that deaf people can drive."
Riese: "Always a message to the madness."
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*
When I Get Out for Good Behavior I'll Be Singing Love Songs : Alice
is coming home to Tasha, who's not happy 'cause things didn't go so well
earlier, as you may remember. Alice says the army doesn't know who they're
dealing with, and Tasha's like seriously, you cannot OurChart your way out
of this one. But Alice won't take no for an answer, she won't back down, she
asks: "Do you need me to disappear for a while? Do you need me to leave you
alone?" Tasha says that's not what she wants. "I can do that," Alice says.
"I know it's late in the game, but I can do that. I can be really on the DL,
really discreet, like a non-existent girlfriend." Aw. But Tasha la-la-loves
her, she'll stick around. They've got so much in common, like they both like
girls.
*
Are You Afraid of the Dark? Jodi and Bette are getting to the house
at Big Bear 'cause they stopped to "eat" and Bette's sad she won't get to
meet Jodi's awesome pals right away. Jodi is excited to have Bette all to
herself tonight. We're less excited, as we'd prefer to have Bette to
ourselves, or perhaps at the mercy of another less attractive character.
*
Where In the World is Dusty Sandiego? : Helena and Dusty are looking
at at a map, it's a puzzle map, it's like that Facebook application, "Where
have you been?" Something about a flower-shaped island that tastes like
vanilla. It's a piece of paradise she says ... this sounds sexual. Maybe I'm
just not paying attention. This is the worst recap I've ever written, but
also the worst episode I've ever seen. Helena really looks nice in orange.
Then my favorite character Peggy Peabody arrives, you know this 'cause the
guard says she's got friends in high places, which means it's either G-d or
Peggy, and I doubt Ilene's getting blessed for this sucker.
This Ain't Kid's Cuisine, M***f***ers: Peggy rocks the catwalk --
this is clearly where Lez Girls shine most of all: jail. Some woman goes,
"Hey, let me eat your pussy." Peggy shoots back that were she subject to
such a proposition, she'd first have to submit the convict to a "full booty
check" and were she to "past muster," then Peggy'd give it to her "family
style." Hav thinks this refers to like family style portions. Like eating
out. Family style. I'm not really sure what it means. Hav says Peggy would
never say something like that. Fair enough.
Dark You Can't Come Soon Enough For Me : Helena's like "where've you
been?" and Peggy says she's been on a terrific vacation, which's pretty much
the worst thing ever to say to someone who's been sitting in jail waiting on
your arrival. Helena snaps: "I don't have much time for this." She's got
lots of puzzles to finish and them puzzles aren't gonna de-puzzle
themselves. Peggy says it's clear that Helena's learned her lesson, her
bail'll be posted, and she's looking to getting Helena's record expunged.
Helena doesn't want that. Peggy's shocked, and accounts Helena's
"semi-literate" behavior to the fact that she's been keeping "sordid
company." Helena says that she's in fact been keeping "very fine company."
In her vagina.
Helena: "I'm quite happy to finish my time and pay my debt to
society."
Peggy: "For God's sake, pull yourself together. Peabody's don't have
debts, darling, not to anyone. And certainly not to society."
OOO snap.
*
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