You Pack Your Bags You Say I Love You But I Cannot Stay: Bette,
cruisin' along in my dream car, pulls up to where Sir Lancelot and the
Knights of the Douchetard Table are playing touch football by the beach ...
again. They just can't get enough of touch football, who are these people,
lesbians? I can't believe Bette's lasted this long, I think LL Bean costumed
this scene, it's my worst nightmare. She says her sister's been held up at
gunpoint and she wants to get back before Kit has a drink. Lancelot's like,
let her have a drink, she's just had a gun in her face, and Bette's like,
actually, she's an alcoholic, bad call. (Note to bette: good call.) Bette
tells Jodi she's already packed her suitcase and Lancelot says if she wants
to stay, he'll drive her back. He actually asks her if Bette made it up
about her sister just 'cause she was having such a lousy time.
Quote of the Week: "I just made up that my sister was robbed at
gunpoint to get out of bowling? Why would I ever wanna give up the
opportunity to wear smelly used shoes, drink warm domestic beer, and kick
your ass?" (Bette)
*
Thought the Signals Would Scare Your Wolves Away: Kit's sleeping on
the couch. How'd she get in there to begin with? Did she BREAK IN? Two
wrongs don't make a right, Kit-tastic. I wonder where she lives, actually, I
dunno. She tells Bette they took her whole week. When she wakes up her
back's gonna hurt and then she's gonna have all kinds of new problems. I've
slept on a lot of couches in my day, I'm the expert. Bette looks back like
she wants to help, but Jodi says she'll be okay. She still wants Bette to
herself.
Then they do this weird musical sequence with more bad music, where they pan
to show Alice and Tasha in bed. Alice is stroking Tasha's hair. I bet Leisha
rolled her eyes when she got these daysides. Tasha says, "they've taken my
whole fucking life away from me." That's not true, you're dating Alice.
Although I'd also be sad if my best friend Papi had disappeared without
explanation.
*
They're having a "party" back at the Planet. They've called craft services,
there are a variety of small palm-sized foods and appropriate dips.
Everyone's acting really weird, telling Kit they're glad she's okay. Helena
wants to tell everyone goodbye before she leaves.
Lesbian Squabble #8: Don't Think I'll Confess, Why Would I Confess
That I
In the Ring: Pretty much everyone.
Content: Peggy's taking Helena to Europe and these peons don't know
what's best for her. Bette doesn't think she should leave the country before
her trial, but Peggy says they've got a great lawyer. I can't get over how
random this assemblage of persons is. Hey, hey, the cast's all here, except
Phyllis, mysteriously absent from this episode. Peggy says they'll be
recovering in their country house, far away from the dangerous LA lesbian
community. She actually says "At least Paris didn't get involved with some
big butch prison daddy dyke when she was in the clinker." She asks if
everyone's heard about this Dusty person. Kit has:
"Dusty? GIRRRRRRLLL good for you."
Helena explains that it wasn't for protection. Dusty's one of the best
enlightened, beautiful woman she's ever known. That's really good luck w/r/t
roommates, that kinda stuff never happens to me. Peggy says that she wants
an adult beverage.
"Our family doesn't go to court, we go to Europe."
(Peggy)
*
My Sick Guilt is So Unwelcome: Helena runs out to have a cigarette.
Alice tries to stop her and Helena tells Alice that she's been a really good
friend. This is so weird, they'd never react like that, so nonchalantly.
Actually ... we know this from experience, fo'reals. I hope Rachel Shelley's
not leaving the show. Shane the Yogi is already outside mid-puff.
Redemption Opportunity: Shane and Helena could get it onnnn right now.
|
