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below)
 I
think I am an actor because I have always loved the idea of being part of a
story. When I was a young girl, when my mother would tell me a bed time
story I would beg her to make me a character in the story. Put ME in the
story I would say. And as a result when she wasn't reading Greek myths to me
she would make up stories with me in them. Jenny walked through the forest.
Jenny fought dragons, and in another more practical story Jenny always
counted her change when she went to buy milk from the store. There were a
variety of fictions. I think from an early age we all see our life as a
narrative and the narratives to which we are exposed oftentimes shape the
narratives we create for ourselves. Through our imagination and through
exposure to the imaginations of others we are constantly in the process of
creating ourselves.
As I got a little older and was more aware of television and magazines I
searched for images of girls that looked like me. As a biracial girl growing
up in Chicago there wasn't a lot there, positive or otherwise. I mean, I had
Spock. That was kind of it. . My theme song was Cher's Half-Breed. As for
being a female, the only women who had any kind of power were either
witches, or scantily clad blonde genies running around furniture to escape
certain rape from some horny guy. Really weird. Given the choice, I guess
I'd be a witch.
Somehow my story wasn't there. I was too young to start reading Faulkner, I
hadn't seen Imitation of Life and so I wasn't aware that I was supposed to
be the insane, oversexed tragic Mulatto gal. Certainly my otherness
sometimes was so palpable it was a wonder that anyone could see me. I was
that invisible. And certainly when society fails to write your story there
is an unspoken message that the story is not worth telling. And yet
somehow--I think it was either the Greek myths with all the powerful shape
shifters and half-human, half-beast deities or the Jenny makes perfect
change storyline-I thought perhaps, just MAYBE I was different for a reason.
Like it wasn't some horrible mistake to go undocumented in the world.
As an actor I have been very aware of the stories of which I am a part. As
an actor I have been very aware of the times when I am able to play the
'other' and happy to have those opportunities the majority of which have
come from Showtime. When I met with the producers of the L Word, led by
Ilene Chaiken to talk about the show my character Bette was initially not
biracial. I suggested that the character be made biracial so I could serve
all those people who were like me and had never seen themselves represented
except for maybe in a Benetton ad. Ilene embraced the idea because she is
that kind of spirit. She knew that I too wanted to feel a sense of
belonging- not just belonging in a corporate sense but belonging in a true
sense both as an individual and as a part of her story. I am so happy, so
honored that I am a part of Ilene's stories week after week, and that we
have people like Rose Troche and Guinevere Turner to help tell those
stories.
I am extremely grateful to my family at Showtime, Matt Blanc, Gary Levine
and Faye Katz. I am particularly indebted to Jerry Offsay who gave me so
many opportunities to play in an array of amazing stories including Twilight
of the Golds and A House Divided. I am grateful to him for suggesting me for
the part of Bette. I am equally grateful to the innovative and
groundbreaking Robert Greenblatt for using his vision to guide the L Word to
the next level. His knowledge and enthusiasm have ignited the second season
and I feel very proud to be a part of the L Word.
The notion that I am part of a narrative where I can offer up some sort of
mirror, however imperfect to someone who may have never before seen
themselves represented is very exciting. To know that you EXIST and then to
know that you exist in a larger, beautiful context and then finally to know
that WE ALL exist as one larger, extended group is very fulfilling. To
elucidate those connections that lead us all into the state of belonging to
the family of humanity is one of the things the L Word strives to
accomplish.
To love, to love to love, even when you think the heart is exhausted by
anger and fear and hurt and disappointment and the latest presidential
election. To love. That is the larger task which connects us all. That is
the narrative to which I hope we all can strive.
Love is large, love defies limits. People talk about the sanctity of
love...love is by definition sacred. Not some love between some people but
all love between all people. How can anyone say one person's love is more
sacred than another person's? if indeed it is love it is sanctified. If it
is indeed love the right to marriage is not questionable. In my mind nothing
pleases God more than love. I do not think it pleases God to codify bigotry.
I do not think it pleases God that fear guides the hand of the law in the
name of a cultural war.
Desmond Tutu once said that the great problem of our age is one of
belonging. Who is the insider and who remains on the outside. Who will exact
the spoils and who will suffer. These groupings are realities but they are
also fictions put forth by people who benefit from the politics of division.
The audience who watches the L Word are a diverse group. And what does that
mean? Despite all the shameful efforts to divide this country over issues
like who gets to choose, who gets to call themselves a patriot and who does
not and who gets to marry and who does not, people, not just gay people, not
just horny hetero guys but a lot of people are interested in the stories
about a group of lesbians in West Hollywood. And in those stories about a
group of lesbians in West Hollywood people recognize their own humanity.
It has been said, "History is written by the victors". I take this to mean
we can make ourselves victorious by writing, and then rewriting our own
stories. In a country and culture so dominated by media, by the manipulation
of words and stories, telling the tales of people whose stories historically
have not been told is a radical act and I believe an act that can change the
world and help rewrite history. Imagine if all of our stories were told?
Like the Chart on the L Word one day all the narratives would intertwine and
we would discover the power of our collective imagination and we would see
that to be victorious is not to have won simply for your own sake but for
the sake of others.
Again thank you to POWER UP for the encouragement.
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