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:: L ' C H A I M ::
By The Sci Fi Bard

Okay, so......
Disturbing Turn Of Events Number 1:

Last night I dreamt of Jenny! :-/
Yes, The Weird One infiltrated my slumber, and was caught up in the middle of some strange dream plot about army commandos trying to free people held hostage in a house next door to me. All the army commanders eventually sat down with me for a meal (a la Apocalypse Now - very Heart Of Darkness/Brando-esque shaved heads etc) and in the middle of it all sat Jenny. With her short pixie cut hairdo. All demure and fragile, being hit upon by army guy after army guy. As if that wasn't disturbing enough, I then proceeded to make it my business to look after her, seeing she was ok and getting everything she could possibly need. I believe the dream ended shortly after I followed her into an adjoining room, cupped her face in my hands and asked her gently if I could kiss her - unlike all the army guys who hadn't bothered to ask and had just made a lunge for her anyway - and she replied by saying I could do what I wished. However, I wanted to be sure it was what SHE wanted too, so asked her earnestly again if I could kiss her. She looked so fragile and beautiful and I could think of nothing but what her sweet lips would taste like upon my own, and THEN all hell broke loose behind us as the commandos started storming the beach/house next door and I don't even remember if to kiss her in the end either! LOL! What ANY of that meant, in a Freudian type way, WHO THE HELL KNOWS! - cause I sure don't!!!

Disturbing Turn Of Events Number 2:

Alas, this is my last recap of Season 2.
*cue the sobbing and wailing of millions*
WHAT I shall do with my fortnights after today - I have no idea whatsoever!
GONE will be the joy of recounting the new eps to people.
GONE will be the joy of receiving fan mail from people all around the world who have read and enjoyed my recaps.
And GONE will be the joy of watching the show every week. Oh, and of course, seeing Hot Carmen smile.
*deep sad sigh*
Hollywood is a lucky biatch, being able to recap the Season 2 finale, but even so, I'd just like to say it's been a privilege to write and serve the viewers this season on Thanks must go to Oz for hiring me, and to Slicey for, well, being Slicey ;-) Don't forget, if you check back to my episode 10 recap, you'll find a handy glossary/character nickname reminder if you aren't sure who is who or what I'm talking about! *weg*

Folks, it's been a blast! Hope you enjoy the recap, and with luck I'll be back next Season to regale the exploits of Sex-On-Legs, DaAlice and Poor Bette to you once again!

p.s. On the bright side, this time next year I'll be in my own new flat (we get the keys 1st June!) with my lovely lovely girlfriend and writing my recaps at my very own desk!!!! So, you're all invited to a Season 3 finale party round mine THEN! ;-)




*Kit gazing at a sleeping Melvin in his hospital bed Poor Bette telling Tina Melvyn has advanced prostrate cancer & is refusing treatment. Tina telling Sugar Mommy that she wants to see other people (i.e. BETTE). Jenny asking Sex-On-Legs what she's gonna do about the Carmen situation. Alice fessing up to Sex-On-Legs the she told Dana she loved her (Dana didn't say she loved her back). Mark confronting Jenny and Jenny giving him a mouthful about what he's done. Jenny daring Mark to stay and face the mess he's created. Jenny stating she and Mark are NOT friends*


Sort of phantom-like heavy breathing, as Jenny gets out of her car under what looks like a freeway. Oh, turns out it's:


Hooray! No flashbacks this week!

She walks across the road and into a place called Howling Coyote that looks from the outside like a bar or a club or something. The phantom heavy breathing continues, hastening its' pace and is joined by some doleful Yiddish type oboe music. Ok, considering Jenny's rape repressed-memory episode from last week, I'm not thinking she's going into this club for a happy cheery birthday party :-(  Oh and btw, is it just me, or is Jenny turning into a fair impression of a young Audrey Hepburn, circa Sabrina (1954)/Funny Face (1957) etc?! Mind you, I don't recall Audrey having a penchant for bright hooker-red fuck me stilettos and lipstick, as Jenny does....I wonder, is the phantom heavy-breathing over this part supposed to represent Jenny's escalating trepidation at entering this seedy place, cause no matter what it's for, it's really getting on my nerves! Grrrr.....
"Hey Victor, she's here!" states a blonde seated at a table in the club (whom I believe to be the butch domme from the last ep who shackled Jenny down, thus causing her repressed memories of being raped to surface....)
Victor: "Yeah? *he looks Jenny up and down* So?"
Butch Domme: "Trust me, she's a VERY SICK girl......"
*cue Jenny breaking into a really scary sicko type grin*

opening titles
"this is the way that we, way that we

So, I detested this theme song when Season 2 started, but I've grown to like it over the weeks. However, if the cringe worthy opening title sequence isn't changed by next season, I may go on strike and refuse to buy the Season 2 DVD box set! Ilene, THE TITLE SEQUENCE SUCKS!!!! GET IT CHANGED!!!


Jenny, singing in Yiddish I believe, looking through a disturbing collection of drawings of a baying crowd and a helpless little girl. This is intercut with scenes of an actual crowd of baying men.
We'll see more of the latter later.......

On a Jewish/Yiddish sidenote, (and just cause I want to brag! *weg*) I'm off tomorrow to London to Expo 05, where I shall be meeting (among others) Amber Benson - Tara in Buffy - and Spock himself, Leonard Nimoy!!!!! Ooooh yes, I'll be rubbing shoulders (and pointy ears!) with the stars tomorrow! And now to my original point - did you know that the "Vulcan salute" Nimoy created for "Star Trek" (right hand open with palm outward, fingers separated between the middle and ring fingers, thumb extended) is in reality a hand gesture used by a Rabbi (both hands with thumbs touching) during the Hebraic benediction, which includes the phrase "Live long and prosper"? So hows THAT for a kosher titbit folks! Who said watching lesbian tv never taught you anything! ;-)

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd now back to the program in hand........


Kit, seated, whilst all around her Poor Bette and a bunch of removal guys are carrying in a hospital bed and equipment etc. Seems Poor Bette just had to get her father OUT of the hospital and back home with her for his last days. Kit points out that looking after their father is gonna be a HUGE task, and is her sister really up to it etc Poor Bette insists she IS, and says that Kit shouldn't write their father off so quickly, even though Kit points out yet again that Melvyn is refusing treatment for his advanced cancer. Poor Bette. Trying to be in control of everything again. She's even trying to control how long her father can live, even though it's mostly in her mind. Melvyn is dying - Kit KNOWS that - but in Bette's mind she can prolong his life by moving him home with her and out of the hospital environment etc. At the end of this scene the two are still discussing what Bette is doing bringing Melvyn home now, and it turns out that she hadn't even discussed doing so with Kit! As usual, Alpha Female Bette just steamed ahead and did what SHE wanted and to hell with everyone else! True, this season she HAS grown and matured, what with being separated from Tina etc BUT deep inside her there must still be that streak of 'I-KNOW-what's-best-so-I'll-just-go-ahead-and-do-it-without-asking anyone's-input'-ness that she's displayed so often before. I just know it'll be her undoing if she's not careful.


Jenny, still sitting looking at the drawings as before in her room. Shane comes in with a muffin and some coffee, which she informs Jenny is from Mark, cause he asked her to bring it to her. They talk briefly about Mark's attempts at redeeming himself, and then discuss rent. Jenny insists she'll pay her own rent (HOW exactly? Audrey Hepburn look-alikes with HUGE issues who are in DIRE need of SERIOUS therapy aren't exactly raking in the money these days WITHOUT a job!)


A woman walking up to Bette's house. We know it's Bette's house she's going to as Mark is doing some DIY on the house next door :-) Inside, Poor Bette is taking down some arty lesbian art pictures (presumably her daddy wouldn't approve....) and there's a knock at the door. Turns out the woman outside is a nurse or carer or something to help Bette with Melvyn when he arrives. Bette continues rearranging the lounge, placing a nice photo of herself and Tina next to the hospital bed etc and proceeds to tell Nice Nurse Lady (who assumed they had a baby, after stowing her bags in the nursery) that she does/may have/will have a baby, when her estranged partner gives birth in a little while.  Ah the complicated family units we have these days ;-) Gone are the days of Mom, Dad and 2.4 ankle biters....
Aint it cool tho ;-) Bette gets on the phone and asks her assistant to courier a box of her father's family photos over.
Nice Nurse Lady explains the use of a steroid in Melvyn's treatment plan to Poor Bette. Seemingly it helps with mental clarity 'towards the end'. Oh. Basically it's going to get confusing and upsetting for Bette AND her father in the days/weeks to come.
Grim times are chez Porter :-(


Tina and DaAlice arriving at The Planet. Ok, Dana is wearing an ALARMING sleeveless tank top/jumper that looks as if it's been misplaced by a reindeer herder in Lapland! In the 70's. On a bad BAD day. DON'T ANY OF THESE WOMEN LOOK IN A MIRROR BEFORE THEY GO OUT IN THE MORNING!!!! Ooooh look! There's Sugar Mommy holding hands with Lee Austin (the glass mobile-making lesbian artist from previous eps) in full view of everyone. *rolls eyes*  Clearly Helena has taken Tina at her word from last week, about wanting to see "other people", and has decided to flaunt just such a tit-for-tat situation in front of Miss Kennard in her usual watering hole.  Gods, could Helena BE any more childish!?! Gees......Sugar Mommy deliberately catches the attention of her 'other' current girlfriend and so the three of them all turn round and stand there gawping at Helena and her totally inappropriate behaviour with another woman. Except it is of course totally appropriate, as Tina expressed as wish to not be exclusive.  A cringingly awkward moment ensues, as Lee notes how pregnant Tina is, then mentions "is that Bette Porter's baby?", to which, Sugar Mommy EVER so helpfully (for helpfully, read SMUGLY) adds, "Didn't she ask you out?!" to Lee, causing everyone to wish the ground would just open up and swallow them whole.
Tina, proving she's above such underhanded childish behaviour simply gives them a forced smile, rebuffs Helena's offer of meeting up there later that night (she's tired, wants a hot bath and her own company seemingly! Good for you woman!) and motions DaAlice over to their table, to leave Sugar Mommy and Lee alone in their hand holding icky ness. Once seated, Dana enquires of the pregnant one, "SOOOO, you're OKAY with that, huh?" (meaning Helena canoodling with Lee). Tina feigns innocence then simply says she's ok with it. Alice, on the other hand - spying Lara approaching over Dana's shoulder - states quickly that SHE would NOT be ok with it......Insecure much! ;-)

"I was wondering when I would see you in haven't come in for dinner...."
and with those words from the soup chef, and a look directed straight at the tennis player, my favourite pair on tv are united, in some form again! YES folks, Dana and Lara are on my screen at the same time, in the same room!


Dana looks utterly surprised (why wouldn't she be, no one's told her Lara was working at The Planet yet!) and gladly obliges when Lara asks for a hug. It's clear the two haven't met since they broke up last season. Lara mentions something about planning lunch etc and Dana is about to ask how come Lara works at The Planet (and no one's told her! The meanies! LOL!) when Alice butts in, steering the conversation away from where Lara WORKS, and towards who Lara is DATING.  However, her plans are scupperd when Lara reveals she's no longer seeing Gabby and then proceeds to tell Dana she's so proud of her for coming out and in such a big way etc! Awww bless :-) Oh it's so lovely seeing Dana and Lara talking again. They have such great chemistry, and pauses in sentences are coupled with long looks between them. No wonder Alice is all nervous and jealous! Lara is hot stuff! ;-) (Methinks I could see a pert nipple/t shirt interface there when she walked in too!......MMmmmmmmmm). Lara sees Kit has arrived and goes to leave the group, but before she exits, she asks if her and Dana could have dinner. Alice looks as if she could spit bricks right then and Dana goes to agree, then hesitates and asks Alice's permission. This lets Lara in on the fact that DaAlice are indeed dating ;-) Alice makes a show of saying it's fine, but it's obvious she's hating every minute of this and would much rather yank her girlfriend out of The Planet and the general vicinity of anything remotely connected with Lara! It's then I notice Alice is wearing what appears to be a diner waitress' uniform from the 50's/60's!
Good grief, lesbians sure do dress weird in L.A.! ;-) Lara then makes her exit, Dana sits there "wow"ing at seeing her ex at The Planet and Alice takes a deep breath and suddenly finds the menu FASCINATING.
Heh heh ;-)


Nice Nurse Lady informing Poor Bette about what meds she'll have to administer to her father etc, when the front door opens and Melvyn is wheeled into the house by paramedics. I think it's pretty darn marvellous that Ossie Davies was even able to BE in the last episodes of season 2! He couldn't have been a well man in real life at that time, and yet he must have soldiered on and worked his acting commitments through like a true professional. He'll be sadly missed.
"How are you feeling Daddy?" enquires Bette, but her father answers by enquiring "WHO is this woman?" of the Nice Nurse Lady. Turns out Nice Nurse Lady has a name! Shelley :-) Melvyn takes a look around at the bank of assembled faces staring down at him and says,
"Am ~I~ on DISPLAY?"
which gets the paramedics moving to leave and the viewers chuckling at the fact he's still cantankerous, considering he's a dying man. Melvyn lays on the bed in his blue and black pj's, and seeing him like that reminds me of my Grandfather in Scotland towards the end of his days when he was in a care home.
Anyway.....Bette stands there and makes plans to screen off her father for a bit of privacy. She's doing it again - do you see? Making decisions unilaterally! Could she not just ask her father what HE'D like round his bed for a bit of privacy?! GEES! Deciding Japanese screens would be nice, she asks Shelley Nurse to "pick some up at Ikea", and is dealt a metaphorical slap in the face as the nurse gently replies, "maybe you could get YOUR assistant to do that....." Ahhhh Poor Bette. Sometimes you forget that not EVERYONE around you dances to your tune ;-)

And speaking of Ikea - it is evil and should be stopped! BUT on the other hand, if you look on ebay, all the best value bits of second hand furniture are Ikean, (I've found some great bargains for my flat!) so perhaps we should halt plans for the eradication of that particular retail chain for now........


Shennys, where Mark is mending (?) the sink in the kitchen as Jenny gets ready to go out somewhere. He offers to cover Jenny for her rent this month, but his kindness is greeted with a, "FUCK YOU" and the conversation goes thus:

M: "I DON'T expect that it would 'fix' everything...."
J: "You can buy me off, with money and good deeds, like I'm some kind of whore?"
M: "That's NOT what I meant...."
and then Jenny just walks out the door.......


Bette's boss (I forget his name) has come to pay his employee a house call. She tells him once the week's over she should get back into a routine with her father and be able to get back to work etc. Her boss comes across as sympathetic, but mentions they need to have "structure" in place. Which sounds to me as if it's a veiled way of saying, 'I know you have troubles at home, but work is work!'. Hmmmm. He suggests a leave of absence to her, which she doesn't seem to like very much, stating she's hired a nurse for her father etc! Just then Nurse Shelley comes in and asks Bette to help her turn Melvyn in bed.  Bette's boss takes the opportunity to leave then, and again mentions the leave of absence. Bette asks for a little time to decide and he 'graciously' offers her the weekend to think it over.


Sugar Mommy and an unknown blonde looking at a menu. Looks like it's evening at The Planet now.  Unknown Blonde is sitting next to Sugar Mommy who's next to Tina. Across from them, all coupley and draped over one another are DaAlice.  Sugar Mommy (ever the tactful bitch) asks DaAlice "Your chefs name is Lara, yeah?" *cue Alice rolling eyes* and then asks the waitress to ask Lara to make them a plate of bits and bobs to sample. Alice mumbles "YOUR chef..." petulantly to Dana, and said tennis player just sucks in a breath and holds it. Ahhhh Sapphic relationships, aint they just grand! LOL! Unknown Blonde and Sugar Mommy flirt, RIGHT next to Tina, and quite rightly she's not impressed.
Over from them, Dana is telling Alice she DOESN'T need to go out to dinner with Lara etc but Alice reiterates that she said it was ok for her to go. Even though it's CLEARLY not ok for her to go ;-) Tina sits there, staring at Helena's back and sips her drink, while he girlfriend flirts madly with Unknown Blonde, until she's had enough and gets up to leave, stating she can't keep her eyes open and is off to bed. To her credit, Sugar Mommy does enquire sincerely "are you ok?!" of Tina, and Tina replies:
"APART from having to pee like a horse....." (what, on all fours? In a stable? The mind boggles! *weg*) "Helena, I'm tired. I just wanna go home and be alone."
Sugar Mommy gets the message and answers tersely, "Fine! ENJOY being alone....", and lets Tina practically get out the door, before she catches up with her, gives her a hug and a kiss and apologises. Good grief, underneath all that money, Sugar Mommy IS human after all ;-)


Poor Bette reading Twain to her Poor Father while he lays in bed. She goes to turn Melvyn over (to prevent him getting bedsores I believe...) when from behind her, Tina appears and offers to help.
Seems she wasn't as tired as she made out to Sugar Mommy, and had probably just gotten fed up of her girlfriend's overt flirting with Unknown Blonde etc, so decided to go somewhere where she'd BE needed and wanted. i.e. Bette's house.
Bless. :-)
As they are turning Melvyn he wakes and looks at Tina.  She gently reminds him who she is and tells him Kit will be there later etc Melvyn wants to know HOW she knows Kit, and the pained expression on Bette's face as she realises her father is becoming more confused and is obviously getting WORSE, not BETTER is heartbreaking to watch. They leave Melvyn so Bette can get him a glass of water and Tina can fix Bette's dinner (that Kit's prepared for her sis) and, in the kitchen, Tina apologizes for being selfish the other night to Bette.  Bette simply accepts the apology and says wearily "that's ok....", going to give her Dad the water she promised him. She has the air of a defeated woman about her, and Tina looks on, almost surprised that she didn't say more to her apology, then carries on fixing dinner for her ex.


Bette and Tina sitting together by her fathers' side. Bette tells her that she put her father in the lounge and not the nursery, just in case....(i.e. just in case he died in there. NOT the best start in life for a new nursery, eh folks :-/ )
Jennifer Beals is doing her usual excellent portrayal of hard emotions and trails off then, as Bette gets choked up by it all, so leans back and into the arms of Tina, leaning her head on the other woman's chest. It's such a bittersweet shot, the two of them like that. Tina, comforting her ex as her father lays so ill next to them.  They are FINALLY back together again, in some semblance of the loving, caring relationship they once had, except we all know it's under such painful circumstances. Such a shame. Tina starts stroking Bette's hair to comfort her, and the following conversation ensues:

B: "Never done this before..."
T: "I've never held you?"
B: "Not in front of my father...."
T: "He's asleep"
*cue Melvyn waking and seeing their caring embrace*
M: "Now thaaat's what I like to see.....PROMISE, take GOOD care of my girl?"

Tina looks startled for a moment, no doubt shocked that Melvyn is being so open to them now. Then she looks at him and at a Bette who's smiling up at her with love and says gently, "I PROMISE".

M: "And you, *meaning Bette* take good care of your mother too....*cue Bette rolling her eyes, distressed that her father is once again being confused and doesn't know the present day from the past etc* you hear me?! Maxine, don't run away again! STAY with our little girl! I know I let you down Maxine, I was WEAK, I didn't mean to!....."

Tina let's Bette gently go, as she goes to tend to her father who's becoming more distraught in his own waning mind.
Bette looks so hurt and devastated, for so many reasons, and tries to comfort her father as he trails off, pleading with his phantom wife "to stay and look after my girls!".


The Planet, where Kit is busy serving her customers and DaAlice are talking in a corner. Up comes Sex-On-Legs and says: "Hey, Carmen called me - is she REALLY here?!" And I think for a second she means Carmen herself, but then the stage lights up and we see it's the main act Carmen was talking about!
Everybody in the place rushes to the stage as Peaches starts her set. Now, I must warn y'all here, that Peaches scares me witless! ;-) And that's all I really have to say on the matter ;-) Everyone starts dancing to the bearded, sunglass-wearing popstar-cum genderbending performance artist, as she belts out as song that goes something like:

"Are, you, he, together? - come on baby let's go!
are, you, she, together? come on baby let's go!
I don't have to make the choice
I like girls and I like boys!"

Peaches catches the eye of Sex-On-Legs (who doesn't!) and beckons her up on stage. However, in a surprising twist, Shane waves a 'no thanks' and declines! Ooooh....So Peaches picks out a blonde and gets her up onstage instead, getting rather close and comfortable with her as they dance. Btw, Mark is there in the audience close by and seems to be enjoying himself ;-) Carmen is there too, and she and Shane make eye contact and continue dancing, separately, but eventually the eye contact turns to grins and it's clear they are enjoying themselves immensely!

May I just say, it's SO damn nice to see Shane ENJOYING herself for a change, instead of the tortured-soul routine we've gotten used to from Miss McCutcheon! YAY! Long may it continue!


Poor Bette, sitting on the side of her ailing fathers bed, sighing, "I can't face it.....I can't face it" (of Melvyn's impending demise) to Tina, who steps forward and takes the other woman's face in her hands, looking down at her with utter compassion. Bette breaks down and so Tina stands her up and pulls her close.


Tina leading her into the bedroom, where Bette flops down on the bed, still weeping. The brunette pulls off her top like it's a chore and Tina leans down and kisses her sweetly. Looking up into her eyes, the exhausted Bette says
"Can we just sleep?"
Tina replies gratefully, "Yes please...."
and so that's what they do.

Bette lays down, greeting the pillow like it was heaven itself. Tina lays down in front of her, so the other woman spoons her. They are both fully clothed (with Bette minus her top), and the spooner slips her arm around the pregnant ones' waist, and it's one of the most heart-warming, lovely, life-affirming images that I've seen during 2 series of this show. :-)


Presumably the next day, where Jenny enters the kitchen at Shenny's, as Mark stands at the side, making cafeteria coffee.
Btw, on a sidenote, Jenny grabs a packet of cereal called 'Life'. Personally I think it should be called 'Life SUCKS!' if SHE'S eatin it. *weg*

"Want some coffee?" says Camcorder Guy
Jenny answers by munching some dry cereal and saying nothing.


A shot from outside, looking through Bette's window, where she wakes and stretches with Tina still asleep by her side.
She turns, and in profile to the camera, we see she realises it's another day to face with a dying father to cope with.
i.e. NOT a fun day ahead.


Poor Bette, now dressed and coming to see how her father is doing in the front room. She sees Kit is asleep next to her dad.  Turns out Kit arrived late the night before after work to see her father, but he was in too much pain to talk so she just stayed by his side. Bette stands and looks at Melvyn and thinks her father is giving up.
She mentions that Nice Nurse Shelley is coming over soon and is going to give their dad a sponge bath.
"She most certainly is NOT!" says an awake Melvyn. Sly old bird ;-)
He adds that he's perfectly able to get to the bathroom, as long as his girls help him, as he's capable of looking after himself still, and further points out that it seems Bette ISN'T looking after herself, as she's wearing the same clothes as yesterday.
"That's cause I've been looking after YOU Daddy..." says Bette sweetly.
Melvyn isn't having any of that though and berates his youngest girl about the fact that looking after him is causing her work to suffer etc - he heard her talking about a leave of obscene with her boss - and goes on to tell both his daughters that he doesn't want their careers to suffer because of him. While they both listen to their father talk, the shot of the two sisters is framed beautifully - Kit in the foreground, Bette slightly behind and forward - so the profile of the two, rapt at their fathers' words is a minor gem of work, which the director should be very proud of IMHO. Melvyn is getting into the swing of it now, and tells Kit she's mistaken if she thinks Benjamin is gonna leave his wife and kids for her. Turns out Kit doesn't want that anyway, as she'd "never do that to another man's wife." Her father disagrees, stating:
"It's human nature to peruse ones' happiness, over someone else's' misery"
Kit starts to disagree, but the conversation is interrupted by Tina's arrival into the room. She apologises, and Melvyn says in greeting,
"Hello Tina"
Which causes all three women to snap their heads back at him like he's just stated the Pope is Satan! LOL!  Tina, takes this surprising yet lovely turn of events calmly and replies, "Hello's good to see that you're feeling better", and then she's off to the door as work calls. Bette strolls with her, and they hold hands. Lovely :-) Melvyn watches them go to the door, where they kiss, then off Tina goes. You can't tell if the expression on his face is envy, contentment (that his daughter will have someone when he's gone etc) or mild dislike.  Pike whichever one you're most comfortable with and go with that I'd say. For me, I choose envy/contentment :-)


Him being helped on either side by his daughters, to slowly walk to the bathroom. He wants his privacy, so they let him go in himself, then the doorbell rings, so Bette goes to answer it. It's Nice Nurse Shelley! She immediately wonders why Melvyn's bed is empty and Bette states he's done fine and is in the bathroom, when, of course, we hear the inevitable THUMP! from said room, meaning he's collapsed! Both women rush off to help and find him prone on the floor, demanding "NO hospital! NO MORE HOSPITAL!", and Bette bolts from the room.


Shenny's, where Mark is reading a paper, Jenny is reading a book and eating her 'Life' and Shane is doing the coffee thing. Sex-On-Legs enquires where Jenny was last night, cause she missed Peaches performance. Jenny just shrugs and eats her 'Life'. Just then Bette bursts in saying she needs their help! All three of them rush off behind her.


Everyone, except Jenny, carrying Melvyn slowly back to his bed, from where he fell in the bathroom. Nice Nurse Shelley gives everyone clear instructions. Jenny looks on concerned.


A pair of GORGEOUS legs getting shaved in the shower. The legs belong to Dana. Mmmmmm ;-) In comes Alice and asks her why she's shaving them.
"Cause there's hair on em?" replies Dana jokingly.
"Why, is Lara gonna feel them or something?" replies Alice sarcastically.
Dana just gives her a 'don't be stupid' look.
"What! It's a legitimate question!" says Alice
Jealousy, thy name be Pieszecki.


Shane and Mark walking along a busy street. He's reading the back of a tin can and she's on the phone to Alice, saying she should pick up wine and flowers and meet her over at Bette's. Turns out Shane and Mark are picking stuff up for Melvyn to help Bette. Bless 'em :-)
Shane: "Poor Bette" (Hey! No fair! That's my line! *g*)
Mark (still reading the can label): " 'Poor Bette'? man.... Poor Melvyn! Look at this shit! It's liquid food!"
Shane: "It's cycle of life - you wind up eatin baby food and you're back in diapers!"
Mark gets a text message on his mobile phone and Sex-On-Legs wants to know who it's from. Turns out it's from Lola - the blonde who got up on stage with Peaches.
M: "she was drunk"
S: "shit, if she was drunk, d'ya think she'd text message ME?!"
M: "Shut the fuck up..."
S: "I'll text message HER!"
this part of the scene between the two walking along the road is played like a couple of teenage boys, having a laugh about a girl. It's funny and sweet and cute and a nice injection of comedy between all the doleful business of Melvyn's last days.


Bette, at home, on the phone, as DaAlice arrive, bearing a huge bunch of sunflowers. Nice choice girls! Brighten the place up a bit :-) Seems Bette is trying to hire a second nurse for her father. Alice hears that and looks concerned as she sees to the flowers.


Bette, Mark, Shane, DaAlice sitting around on the back porch, talking about their fathers.
S: "My dad? Invisible"
M: "Bitter"
D: "Dependably supportive"
M: "ONE word" (i.e. everyone has to describe their dad's in just ONE word)
D: "DependABLE" ;-)
A: "Distant" (DaAlice share a compassionate look at that remark)
M: "Bette, what about you?"
*Bette looks up, and seems haggard and drawn*
B: "what about me what?"
S: "Describe your dad, one word"
B: "Dying"

Touché. Poor Bette.


Bette feeding water to her father through an eyedropper pipette. Shane comes in and says maybe they should all go, let her be etc Bette wearily agrees, and thanks everyone. Shane tells her to call if she needs anything and they all say bye and take their leave. Bette carries on feeding her dad tiny amounts of the water.


DaAlice pulling up to Lara's apartment block in cool new Mini. Alice reminds her Jenny wants them somewhere at 10, but neither of them know for what. Hmmmm....I can guess........ Dana is about to go, but checks Alice is ok. Alice says she is, but we all know she isn't.


Bette, looking through her Dad's things which she had couriered over earlier. She pulls out photos in frames from a box, one by one, reminiscing about each photo with her father. She pulls out a shell from Acapulco then a watercolour her mother did, and puts it across from the bed so her father can see it. It's a sweet/sad scene between a daughter and her dying father, remembering old times.


Dana and Lara having dinner. YES!
They're discussing the 'food adventures' they used to go on to different places, and Dana says she misses that.
Lara says about a new place she knows of she's love to try, but Dana says she "shouldn't" (accept the implied invitation to come along with her). Lara guesses why, picking training as a reason. Dana says, yes, then no, and Lara guesses the real reason she shouldn't come along. i.e. Alice. "Lara..." Alice says in a warning tone, not wanting her to step over the friendship boundary. "Dana...." she replies, in a sexy voice, "I'm JUST talking about dinner...." Dana comes back with "No. THIS is a dinner. What you're talking about is a SECOND dinner....."  The two are looking into each others' eyes, smiling knowingly and it's all very sultry and great and then we pan down to Dana's bag hanging on her chair and see her mobile phone sticking out of it, flashing and vibrating madly.


NO NO!!!!!!!! NO CUT TO!!!!!!!!!!!! I want STAYS ON! NOT cut to!!!!!! I want more Dana/Lara having sexy dinner and flirting about second dates!!!!! DAMN YOU DIRECTOR PERSON!!!!!!!!!! *grumbles*

Alice, who's the one ringing Dana's phone. She's outside the club where Jenny told them to come that evening. Carmen sees her and shouts, waving high, but rushes on in, as it's getting busy there. Alice, still on the phone, leaves a message for Dana to come a little earlier, as it IS getting very busy there! But you and I both know she's just calling to check up on Dana and make sure she's not doing the horizontal Mambo with a certain chef ;-) ;-) ;-) Alice is pissed off she couldn't get through to her girlfriend and had to leave a message!


Hot Carmen, struggling her way through the crowd in the club.  The crowd is ALL men btw. Big, burly, hairy, beefy men, who are all there whooping and hollering at a woman who is near naked and stripping on stage at that moment. Personally, I'm thinking Jenny hasn't invited them there for a small, quiet bar mitzvah :-/ Hot Carmen spies Shane and makes a beeline for her.
C: *sarcastically* "Nice place!"
S: *sarcastically* "Oh yeah!"
Just then Miss Stripper takes off her bikini top to reveal a pair of the most surgically enhances tits I've EVER seen. If they are natural, I'm a monkey's uncle.
S: "Did Jenny invite you?!"
C: "Yeah, have you seen her?"
S: "Nope...."
C: "This just doesn't feel right, I'm gonna go look for her...."

Pssst! Carmen! I'd try looking in the general vicinity of THE STAGE luv! ;-) Miss Stripper is still doing her thang, and the guys next to the stage are banging on it, making general blokey noises of encouragement and acting LIKE a monkey's uncle.  Men can be just SO refined sometimes, can't they ladies? ;-)

Sex-On-Legs looks through the crowd and sees Hot Carmen having an irate altercation with a drunk guy, so rushes off to her rescue like a Dyke in Shining Armour! YAY! Once she's pulled her away from the near-fight she's having, they stand there getting jostled by the crowd, with Hot Carmen being all pissed off at the guys, and Sex-On-Legs finding it highly amusing. This causes Hot Carmen to ALSO find it highly amusing, and they both end up having a giggle. Mid-smile, Shane leans over and shouts to the other woman, "You wanna go out some time?" Carmen, unsurprisingly, isn't sure she heard her right and says, "WHAT?!" So Shane repeats her question, and Carmen just stands there, looking surprised. Then some bikers/big guys walk past and get in the way of the great scene and I nearly fling my computer out the window because......



Bette reading to her father again. Kit is sitting next to her and asks her what she's reading. Bette says it's her father's favourite poem, and didn't he ever read it to Kit when she was little. Kit says no, and is sorta glad, cause, as she says, "well thank god, cause that's one dull-ass poem!" Causing both women a moment of levity as they continue their vigil.
Melvyn rouses slightly then, moaning "Momma!......Momma!" and the women try to calm him, with Kit eventually starting to singing Rusty Old Halo by Bob Merrill. Bette joins in too as they quietly sing:

"rusty old halo, skinny white clouds,
Some second hand wings, full of patches,
Rusty old halo, skinny white cloud,
Robe so woolly it scratches

I know a man, rich as a king,
Still he just won't give his neighbor a thing,
His day will come, I'll make a bet,
He'll get to Heaven and here's what he'll get;

rusty old halo, skinny white clouds,
Some second hand wings, full of patches,
Rusty old halo, skinny white cloud,
Robe so woolly it scratches"

And with the last chorus, Kit's voice falters and breaks. Her sister looks on and comforts her, knowing the pain she shares.


The strip club, where Miss Stripper finishes up her 'act' to the baying crowd. Nice work if you can get it. NOT. On comes the host and introduces the next act, who's new. It's "Miss Yeshiva Girl!!!!!!" (Btw, Yeshiva means a religious school in Jewish. So, basically it's "Miss Schoolgirl!" Blech!) The crowd go wild, baying for more, and off to the side of the stage, Jenny is sitting. Eventually she throws a pink ladies shoe onstage. The crowd bay still bay for more.


Shane, standing watching, somewhat bemused at this latest new act. Dana arrives, stating to Shane, "Hey, I feel like I'm in hell! What is this place?!" Shane replies cutely, "Jenny". I'd imagine that INSIDE Jenny's head is some sort of hell, sure. Dana wonders where Alice is, and Shane says she went to look for Dana!


Alice's place, where she's calling Dana's name and searching the rooms. Opening the bedroom door and finding no Dana there, she flops face down on the bed, miserable, cause no doubt in HER mind, Dana is still with Lara, doing way more than discussing recipes, if you catch my drift ;-)


Miss Yeshiva Girl's 'act'. Which is going like a bomb! (p.s. That's sarcasm) Jenny's still sitting offstage, and throws on the other shoe, then a pink dress, as the Jewish music plays. THEN she finally steps out onstage. Except she's dressed in jeans and sleeveless black t shirt! (Personally, I'm thinking Miss Stripper at the start of this was better than her! And that's SAYING something!) Jenny slowly walks around the stage, looking at the baying men in the crowd - sometimes looking pensive, sometimes wild and manic eyes like she's gonna do something insane at any moment!


Shane, who sees it's Jenny up there, stating, "what the fuck is she doing!!!!!"


Miss Yeshiva, still pacing slowly, as the crowd starts to boo instead of cheer. Then she slowly takes off her t-shirt, and the rest of her clothes, as the crowd's noise fades out slightly and her own voice, (again, singing the Yiddish words at the beginning of the show, when she was looking through those drawings) begins, adding a surreal and really rather icky 'innocent' element to an otherwise totally adult situation. Finally she pulls down her jeans and panties and stands there like a gymnast at the end of her routine with arms out wide and high, wide eyed, almost daring the men to look at her, totally naked. The camera shot then changes to a more distance aspect and we see that Mia IS actually full frontal naked! Blimey guv'ner!

The crowd goes mental, cheering and whooping their joy. Y'know, I've said it before and I'll say it again - men can sometimes be really rather sad ;-)


Dana, back at Alice's and entering their bedroom, where she finds Alice laying on the bed. She comes over and sits by her girlfriend asking, concerned, "Al? Alice, what happened?" Alice rolls over and says she was calling and calling Dana's cell phone and she didn't answer. Dana states she was there, and wondered where ALICE was! (But I think Alice meant earlier in the evening and Dana is being evasive here....)
Alice: "I thought I lost you"
Dana: "I'm right here.....*moves a strand of hair off Alice's forehead tenderly*.........I'm right here......"


Next day, and Camcorder Guy is making pancakes. Ooooh, I'll have mine with maple syrup and double cream please my good man! And make it snappy! (I don't ever eat breakfast, but, for pancakes and maple syrup, I may make an exception *weg*)

"That smells good" says Jenny.
"Thanks" replies Mark.
"May I have one?" says Jenny.
"Of course" replies a pleasantly surprised Mark.

It's progress I guess......... :-) And definitely better than being summarily ignored, that's for sure!


Tina, naked and asleep in bed.


Bette, humming to herself while she's busy in the kitchen.


Melvyn, moaning in pain in the lounge. Every breath is a moan, but he manages to turn his head slightly to the side and look at the photos his daughter has placed there. His moans cease.


Bette, who suddenly stops humming, and notices the silence. She calls out "Daddy?" softly, and goes over to where Melvyn lays, and as she gets closer she calls out frantically for her sister. Kit rushes in and they both fall to their knees beside their father, as Bette still tries to rouse him with her cries of "Daddy!"


Melvyn has passed.

We hear the cries of Kit and plaintive Japanese flutes as the episode fades out with the legend: 'Dedicated to the memory of Ossie Davies'. Followed by the end credits, still with Japanese flute over them.

~Next time, on The L Word~

It's the season 2 finale!!!!

There's complications with the birth of Tina and Bette's baby! Oh no!
There's trouble between Dana and Alice! Oh my!
There's heat between Shane and Carmen! Oh yes!
and a whole lot more besides!

If you miss it, you're a ninny of the highest order! ;-)

p.s. sorry for the lateness in posting this recap folks! Came back from my holidays with a terrible head cold which laid me low, THEN I've had untold comings and goings due to the fact that I've just closed the deal on renting my first ever place (yippee! with my girlfriend too!) AND to top it all, yesterday i spent the whole day in London, meeting the stars of sci-fi movies and tv! I just haven't had as much time as I usually do! Sorry! If you want to blame someone/thing, blame (in this order:) germs, the pressures of being a grown-up, Otho from Beetlejuice, Dr Janet Frazier from Stargate SG1(she told me over and over again she loves me y'know!!!), Leonard Nimoy, Kevin Sorbo and MOST of all, Amber Benson (Tara from Buffy) and her mother!!!!!!!! For yes, they are all guilty of my tardiness!

Until next year, farewell and may the Lesbian Force be with you!

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