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Updated 1 December, 2005

With all the talk of Dana dying some new promo pictures have surfaced in which she does look quite sickly.
Also these promo pictures also show that Cherie Jaffy from S1 is back and somehow involved with Shane.
And another one of the promo pictures shows Kit in an intimate position with Angus (Dallas Roberts)

But the most surprising spoiler we've found out is that there will be a wedding in the final episode (which is yet to be shot up in Whistler, Canada). We have yet to find out whose wedding it will be.

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Updated 31 May, 2005

301 - “Labia Majora”

First major news that I have about Season 3 is that we’re getting our first ever full time BUTCH character in the form of “Moira”. She will become Jenny’s lover for this coming season. What’s unique about Moira is that not only is she a butch character, she is also transgendered. She will be taking us on an emotional as well as physical journey as she transforms into a male, Max.

OK so on to the first episode spoilers. Note that this ep takes place 6 months after ep 213.

* The ep begins at some person’s house called Terry. And yup you guessed it…it’s a random act. It’s a 1973 Women’s Consciousness raising group. There’s a bunch of women sitting around looking at their vaginas in a mirror. At one point Terry corners one of the women in her kitchen, kissing her.

* For all those hoping for a new opening theme/credits, I’m afraid they decided to keep the Betty theme from Season 2.

* We open on Alice in the radio studio. She’s dinging away on her xylophone. She then goes on to say that the topic of today’s show is the end of a relationship and all the anti-depressants a person has to get over it. She then rambles on about all the medications she’s been taking and is taking.

* Lara tells Dana about the workout she’s about to get before breakfast. At this they clear a space and shimmy up onto the cooking island. Yes you heard right folks...Lara and Dana are now a hot item!

* Back at Alice’s radio show, she makes it clear that she doesn’t like Lara.

* Meanwhile in the kitchen, Dana and Lara are now on the kitchen floor.

* Bette and Tina are back in therapy. Though I’m not sure what type of therapy exactly, as the doctor seems to be helping them with their sex lives and how they can both feel sexy to each other again. It also becomes clear that Bette and Tina have alternate parenting in mind for raising their baby, ie the baby sleeps with them and has to remain in contact with them while she sleeps.

* At The Planet, Kit is the one who has Angelica slung around her while she’s working. Shane and Carmen enter and take the baby from Kit. Carmen then reassures Shane that meeting her family isn’t such a big deal. Shane says she’s not used to meeting families, esp ones that don’t know about her sexuality. So obviously Carmen’s family have no idea that she’s gay…this could get interesting.

* Cut to Helena’s beach house (yes she is back). She is with a psychic having her cards read. It is revealed that Helena has recently purchased a movie studio (hmm could it have anything to do with Tina going back to her old job?). The psychic tells her that there’s a romance in her future. She tells her that it’s someone who likes to be pampered, someone who knows how to take care of her friends and lovers and is a creative person. Also that this person is volatile and changeable, especially sexually. Helena asks if that means someone who is bisexual, she replies yes. She reveals that her future romance is recovering from a terrible ordeal and that she is to help her to overcome it. She tells her that they will stand back to back and then face to face. Also that this romance could be an epic one, and that it will be written about in some way. And most intriguing is that this person drives a blue car and she’s a brunette. Interesting….

* Dana and Lara join Shane and Carmen at The Planet.

* Seems our little Jenny fled and went back home since we last saw her. She also went and got some help, as we open on a mental health clinic. We see her exit the clinic and say that that was her last session. Her mother, Sandy, tells her that they are all going to shul tonight, as it’s her last night in town. She must be heading back to LA. Sandy tells Jenny that her father invited Marshall too. Jenny tells Sandy that she doesn’t like being fixed up, esp with a man. Sandy tells Jenny that her being gay was because she was sick. Jenny reveals she has just finished writing her novel.

* We then see Bette and Tina at some sort of children’s dance school. Lots pf toddlers singing and dancing. Bette gets agro at some father who gets to the triangle before she does. The father later mistakes Bette as Tina’s sister. She reveals to him that she is her partner and that the reason why Bette is so strung out today, is because they are having a home visit from a social worker and are having a second adoption, so Bette can officially adopt Angelica.

* Cut to a YOGA class with Alice and Helena. Helena notices that Alice is crying and tries to comfort her. She asks her if it’s Dana. Alices doesn’t know if it’s Dana or the new medication she’s taking. Helena points out to Alice that she’s been through quite an ordeal…hmm what are they getting at here? *raised eyebrow* Apparently Helena has been a really good friend to Alice the past 6 mths. The Yoga instructor now tells them to stand back to back with their partners, link arms, bend forward and stretch each others backs. Then once they are finished they are to face each other. Hmmm what exactly are they trying to say? Alice….Helena…Alice….Helena…I’m thinking it might just work…hmmm…we shall have to see.

* Back to dance academy for toddlers. Tina is handing out invitations to all the other moms for Angelica’s 6mth party. Bette overhears some famous Hollywood Dad telling someone that he plays at private parties (obviously he’s in a band or something) and promptly invites him to come play at Angelica’s party. The man remarks that he could use the cash, Tina points out “So could we”.

* Back at the ranch with Jenny. They are heading to the shul. Jenny comments that she thinks it’s been hard for her mother to have her home, but her mother disagrees. Jenny wants to go back to LA. She tells them that she only wanted to stay until she finished her novel anyways. When asked what it’s about she says “It’s kind of semi-autobiographical. About something that happened to me as a little girl”…I wonder what that could be? Her mother comments that she should just leave the past in the past. Jenny tells them that she is sending her novel to an editor in New York. Her mother changes the subject to Marshall. Jenny rolls her eyes. Jenny tells the other women that her mother is trying to fix her up with this Marshall even though she is not remotely interested in him. Sandy wants Jenny to be happy, but Jenny doesn’t really agree. So Jenny puts a choice to her mother…who would she rather see her with; a Jewish woman or a black man? Suffice to say her mother is horrified.

* Now we see Kit in a doctor’s office…her son David is taking her blood pressure. Seems there’s something wrong with her. She says that it started when her father got sick and that she’s been putting it off because she couldn’t deal.

* Cut to the end of a scene between Helena and Alice. Helena must have told Alice to take more pills…a slightly higher dose. Something weird must have happened between them because Helena leaves slightly discomfited.

* Back to Jenny at shul. Apparently wherever they are has some sort of divider to separate the men from the women. In this scene we see Jenny ignore this divider and walk around to the men’s side. She walks up to her stepfather, Warren, he asks her why she is doing this to her mother, she answers with; she says she wants to thank them for giving her a place to hide.

* Next up we see Dana driving…who is being pursued by Alice & Helena in her car. In Alice’s car Helena wants to know what Alice’s natural hair colour is. Alice tells her that she’s always thought she was blonde, sometimes dark blonde and sometimes a light brunette…hmmmm. Dana, driving like a maniac, goes through a yellow light and makes a hard right into the flats of Beverly Hills. Another car pulls in front of Alice and she’s caught at the light. Damn…she’s lost her.

* Back at Bette & Tina’s place, the social worker, Roberta has come to visit them. She makes a note that they haven’t baby proofed the place as yet. Bette says she doesn’t believe in baby proofing. They go on to have an argument about it. Tina says that she’s been researching fences and pool covers but that Bette hates them cos they are ugly. Roberta then sees some artwork that she doesn’t approve of. We also find out that Bette is working part-time (she calls it a passion project), but classifies herself as unemployed. So basically Roberta doesn’t like them at all. At this point they are disturbed by a loud crashing noise outside. When they come out, they find that it’s Alice, who has backed her car into Roberta’s minivan (Im thinking the drugs Alice took may have had some side-effects). Roberta later informs them that she will be back in 10 days for her second visit. Alice mentions that the last time she saw Dana she was diving into Teri Hatcher’s rose garden (what the?)

* Cut to Dana. She’s standing by her car which is in the front yard of a big house in the flats of Beverly Hills. There’s 2 police cars there, with 3 cops standing with her along with 2 maids (the script says “or Teri Hatcher”). She claims that she was being pursued by her ex and that she thinks she’s gone completely crazy. When the police tell her she can file for a restraining order she says; “I don’t want to do that to Alice. I really think she’s harmless. I just broke her heart. You know?”. Dana sheds a tear and either one of the cops or Teri Hatcher hugs her.

* Shane is finally set to meet Carmen’s family. They pull up outside her house in a very Spanish neighbourhood. Shane freaks out and tells Carmen she can’t do it but Carmen reassures her that it will be fine. Shane claims she’s not good at pretending to be someone she’s not and they are gonna know. Carmen tells her that they don’t think in that way so they won’t be able to tell. Inside the Morales home everything is happening at once. It’s very overwhelming. There’s a dozen different family members in the kitchen, all doing different things. There's Carmen’s 2 sisters, her niece and nephew, her brother-in-law, her younger brother, her aunt, her cousin, her mother and also her grandmother, who is known as ABUELA (phew). Shane is stuffing her face, and with every mouthful, Mercedes, Carmen’s mother, piles more food onto her plate. She claims that she’s too skinny and she should eat more. She also comments that she’s a very pretty girl. Due to her Spanish accent, she comes across as calling Shane, Jane. Hilarious stuff I tell you. They start asking “Jane” about her family. Shane reveals that she is from Austin, Texas but that she doesn’t know where her family is. Carmen clarifies that Shane grew up in foster care and that she’s never met her father and didn’t really know her mother either. At that Mercedes takes “Jane’s” hand and tells her that they are now her family…awwwww.

* Back to Jenny land. She enters a gay club and heads for the bar where she meets MOIRA (YAY). She is about 25 described as a traditional butch in Levi’s and a plaid guy’s shirt, very cute, very boyish, deep voice, unpretentious swagger (wha? I don’t get it…are they gonna get Kate to play 2 roles?). Moira buys Jenny a drink.

* Back to the Morales household. Mercedes takes Carmen and “Jane” into a bedroom all excited. Carmen asks what’s going on? She tells her that a Quinceanera is coming up and that “Jane” has to come. Shane is confused; she doesn’t know what a quinceanera is. Carmen explains that it’s like a sweet 15 party, a traditional Mexican event, that takes place in a church with gowns and tiaras etc. Mercedes is now going through her closet, talking mostly in Spanish. Shane looks very confused. Mercedes emerges with a dress she wore when she was young. It’s described as white, elaborate and frilly….doesn’t that just scream Shane to you? Shane tries to tell her how pretty it would look on Carmen. But Mercedes has “Jane” in mind for the dress. She leaves them to get her sewing kit. Carmen tells Shane that her mother wants her to try the dress on and that’s she’s going to pin it to her. Shane laughs, thinking she’s kidding. At this point Carmen unbuttons Shane’s shirt and undoes her jeans. She kisses her as she slowly unzips her pants. Shane tells her to stop it. Carmen tosses Shane’s shirt off, picks up the dress and starts to pull it over her head, feeling her up as she lowers it down her body. Shane can’t take it anymore and leans in to kiss Carmen, just as Mercedes bursts back into the room with her sewing kit. She sees “Jane” in the dress and exclaims that she looks sooo pretty. As Shane tells her that she couldn’t possibly accept the dress, Mercedes tells her not to be ridiculous as she is now “Familia”…again awwwww. As she is pinning the dress on Shane she asks her if she has a boyfriend…Shane tells her no, not at the moment. Classic stuff!

* Jenny is now out on the dance floor with Moira slow dancing. Moira notices Jenny’s scars on her arms and asks her who did that to her. Jenny tells her that she did it to herself, but again Moira asks her who did it to her. Jenny looks at Moira deeply moved.

* Bette and Tina, wanting to get some alone time, put Angelica down to sleep and tip toe out.

* Over at Dana’s condo, Lara is comforting Dana. Dana is curled up on the sofa. Lara enters carrying a tray with 2 mugs of hot chocolate and a plate of freshly baked cookies. Lara puts the tray down and snuggles with Dana, feeding her a cookie. There’s suddenly a loud clanging noise outside. Lara asks what that was but Dana just thinks it was a raccoon or something. We cut to outside the window. Alice has just fallen off the trash can. She climbs back up to peer into Dana’s place. She sees Dana drinking some hot chocolate, getting some froth on her lip and Lara leaning in and sucking it away, until they’ve sucked themselves into a deep, sexy kiss.

* Jenny and Moira arrive at Jenny’s house. Jenny excitedly tells her that she shouldn’t take more than 20mins to pack her stuff. Moira tells her that after this they’ll swing by her place and pick up her stuff. Moira tells us that she’s been planning to move to LA since the day she finished college. We also find out that Moira studied IT at college.

* Back at Dana’s. Alice has her face pressed against the window as she watches Lara take off Dana’s clothes, feeling her up, kissing her all up and down her body. Alice wonders what the hell she is doing there and tells herself to leave. But she can’t.

* Jenny’s parents hear a thumping noise and get up to investigate. Cut to inside of Jenny’s teenage bedroom, Jenny and Moira are naked. Moira’s on top f*%$ing her like a man. The door opens, Jenny’s parents horrified. Warren starts shouting at her. Moira rolls off Jenny and tries to hide. Warren can’t believe Jenny would bring a man into the house. Jenny says she would never do that and introduces them to Moira. Warren tells them to get out.

* Cut to Bette and Tina’s living room. Tina is lying on a towel on the floor. Bette is on her knees next to her, holding a paintbrush dipped in chocolate. Tina suggests that she paint Bette but Bette refuses. They sigh. Bette dips her fingers into the jar and tastes the chocolate.

* Again missing some very good pages here, as we come in at this. Dana promises Lara that she will make an appointment for something. And they continue on with what they were doing.

* Moira puts all of Jenny’s things into her Ford pickup truck. As they’re about to get in the front door of the house opens, its Jenny’s mom. Jenny goes to her. Her mother asks her if she’s doing this to punish her. Jenny says no. She asks if she’s this way because of what happened to her as a little girl. Jenny thanks her mother for acknowledging for the first time ever what had happened to her as a child. Jenny hugs her mother and at first its awkward but then she lets go and takes Jenny in her arms, kissing her head over and over.

* Alice arrives home. Shouts “Baby Im home” As we see her place we start to see candles and an altar. Beads, crystals, small talisman like objects and photos, many photos of Dana. Alice flips on the little light in the middle of her altar and we see a life size foam cut-out of Dana from one of her product endorsement deals.

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